martes, 13 de octubre de 2009

But I prefer to make the ending the beginning, so we don't have to come back.

I'm going to warn you so you don't find it weird when it happens.

Winter is coming down the way, and when winter comes, my whole mood changes. I spend the whole year practicing fake laughs and holding tears for this exact months.

There are just too many bad memories in the past, and it's a tradition by now to be extremely bipolar in christmas.

Though I probably will write more, I'm not really sure. But we'll see.

I would tell you the story but I don't know myself the beginning.

Talking about story, I was retelling mine on my head and there's one interesting point of my life I have never post. It's something that has been hunting me down since then.

It all started when I was in 6~grade. I met new people there. But we'll focus in just one person. One guy.

He sat next to me in the class and we soon started talking and becoming best friends. Of course I know I was 11 when that happened I can't really judge my/his decisions.

The thing is he was the most amazing person I had yet met. My first best friend if I may say.

Cliche as it can be. Yes I fell in love.

Well, not in love. But I didn't know it those days.

I told him all my secrets and he told me his. Those were really great years.

When we were finishing 6~grade some crazy girl told him my feelings towards him.

Yes indeed, the most embarrassing moment of my life. But let it to him who made me feel special and didn't care.

But dear reader, you more than I know that words are just words when they are said.

And in between 7~ and 8~ grade we weren't friends anymore. He didn't talk to me, we just ignored each other. Of course it was killing me 'cause I still felt something for him. And I wanted to be his friend.

It was awkward being around him.

And what hurts the most is, that we weren't actually friends. That he didn't trust me at all. It was just fake, and just a way to kill time. I was just his entertainment.

But it's all left to my mind to figure out.

'Cause still counting the days, I don't know the reason why I wasn't good enough for him anymore. I haven't hear a word of him about the subject. I tried to talk it out. But he doesn't open his mouth.

I could have help you in your worst moments, when I was next to you. Though I know it was all your choice.

His current girlfriend by the way hates me. She's always sending me this dirty looks when she is around. And it's kind of frustrating 'cause they don't speak their mind.

Just perfect for each other.

I thought I would regret ever sitting in front of him when I got to school.

But thinking about everything made me realize that because of him I started writing, that he is the reason why I always have a pen next to me.

No he is not the reason why I write today. But he was my beginning.

Thanks for making me who I am today. I'm sorry if I thought we were best friends when we were just two people hanging out.

The real reason why I bring this up all now is because the other day. We were praying and talking about how and when we listen to God. And he raised his hand and said how he had problems with his father, with watery eyes and all.

I felt so pathetic because as soon as he ended my tears started falling. And I hope he didn't see this.

My friends made up 3 reasons why I could have been crying.

1. Because of him.
2. Because of my dad.
3. Because I needed to cry.

In my opinion, now that no one ever asked. My tears betrayed me, they didn't have a reason.

This is the end of the story, it wasn't because of him 'cause I just simply don't care about his existence. It wasn't because of my dad 'cause I already dried all my tears for him. And I did not needed to cry because I have already cried a lot. My life in that moment, was regularly happy.

So those are the 3 things unknown in my life.

Welcome to it.

p.s; I know I said I was celebrating the 5 month-a-niversary, but I got a better idea and it's kind of hard to do so I will leave it for the the anniversary of my first year.

p.p.s; I need all my readers to participate in the idea:).

p.p.p.s; There's more details in this story and my writing is kind of sloppy today. But wanted to get things cleared out.

p.p.p.p.s; He is not the reason why I write today.

p.p.p.s; SURPRISE!.

"I'm alive; But I don't need a witness to know that I've survived. I'm not looking for forgiveness."

1 comentario:

  1. woooooooooooooooooooooooooowww hahahahahahah you know what i mean right? :) i fucking LOVE YOU ill tell you tomorrow something that it may make you happier :)

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