The only difference between Friendship and Love is that one is fake

I was reading all the post and realized I've never talked about this.

And this is the perfect moment to say it.

Friendship is not crap. It is real. There are people who we can trust and will trust us... Yes they do exist.

Even when we make mistakes. They'll forgive us. Not only 'cause they miss us, but because they understand how guilty we feel.

The tears in our eyes will be accompanied by a laugh every time they are near. 'Cause they teach us how important is to let it all go, and still hold on.

When I feel alone. There's always one hand helping me to get up. It's not just one person. It's in general.

Of course you fight with them. And if your pride is more important to you. Then don't even look back.

It's not about phone calls, or going to the mall, or hanging out. It's a warm embrace that makes you feel special, that makes you feel who you are.

I would jump in front of a bus for all my friends. It's not a 'think it' thing though :).

It isn't the time either. Or the 'I love you's, not even how much they know about me.

I've got a friend who cries with me, who is different, who listen to me, who understand me, who makes me laugh, who holds my hand, who sings me songs. And even if I just had one of them. It would be enough.

I could write forever trying to explain what friendship is. But you wouldn't understand. 'Cause you just know. When they are there, you know those are the persons that will be your brides maids, or the guy who could fight anyone 'cause my heart was broken.

:D, to summarize the word... I'll say that. Because of my friends I wake up every morning to go to school.

p.s; About the last post it was hard at the beginning. But you kinda look for the PROS.

p.p.s; Recently somebody told me that I lost a friend who didn't even trust in me. And well, it's sad. 'Cause I thought we were friends, and that the tears weren't worth it.

p.p.p.s; I'm not ready to have more siblings.

"Tonight, we lie awake. Remember how the coffee made us shake on those long drives?. One more long night."

Finally all come to this.

Today.

Today my dad told us that he was leaving the house. And well, the same rambling about how he was still going to stick around, or come visit us.

Anyways. The thing is, after all that we left to our room. And I had this big bitchy smile on my face.

But then I heard my sister cry. And suddenly, it all hit me.

I won't see him again. Every time I get up in the morning. He won't be there. He won't call us to take a bath or brush our teeth. He won't have a Toblerone hidden to randomly give us a piece. There are a lot of other things left but the tears are clouding my sight.

The point is.

He won't be here. Period.

It sucks 'cause I was going to complain about men today. And this happened.

You don't have to say I told you so. 'Cause I know I said I wouldn't care. And I was looking for something to happen.

I deserve this.

I'm trying to fake my smile around people so they won't ask about it.

But whatever, I really don't want to talk about this, I can't let myself be again, the weak one. I won't.

This is really difficult and I don't know how I will tell my friends about it. I hope everything will find it's place eventually.

Just like it's meant to be.

p.s; I'm trying so hard to smile again.

p.p.s; Jacob will forever stay in my imagination.

p.p.p.s; I miss my friends<3.

p.p.p.p.s; This ruined my first day of class.

"Now that I'm grown I've seen marriages fall to pieces;Now that I'm grown I've seen friendships fall to pieces."

Why this never crossed my mind?.

Tomorrow I start school again.

I have a lot of opinions about this. But let's get to the point.

I'm afraid I won't find Jacob.

Knowing my shitty life. Nothing goes as planned.

I tried to stop planning it. But I want it. So it's impossible.

So if I end up alone and miserable without someone to love (I love my friends xd). You know why.

I did have something to say today, that I've been trying to get out. But there's no time.

On saturday I will post it though. And give you an update about what the heck is going on with Jacob. But what if he doesn't come tomorrow?, what if he comes other day...

I will shoot myself :(. I can't wait.

And that just takes away my chances of meeting him.

p.s; This is dumb, but work with me dear readers.

"You told me on a sunday,that it wasn't gonna work;I tried to cry myself to sleep,'cause it was supposed to hurt."

New Logo :D

credits; Sister
Rearranges; ME!.

Hope you like it :) it's who I am.

"The black keys, never looks so beautiful; And a perfect rainbow, never seems so dull."

What I'm good at

I would be lying if I said this came clearly like every other post here.

That I didn't had to erased it and write it again, over and over again.

So I won't say it.

Instead of drowning myself in this horrible world of "writer's block". I will use it like a PRO.

I have had writer's block before, but it's easy to just not write anything at all and wait for my good friend inspiration to strike in a weird moment.

But this one, is frustrating. I CAN WRITE. and I do write. So after finishing a long work. I read it.

And it's just plain lame.

Laura is not the type of girl who will write to make somebody else happy. It just takes off the beauty of the art.

In my opinion.

But a lot of stuff is coming on and off my life, and a couple of poems wouldn't be so bad after all. That's why I've waited for so long, but I need it now. I need to be proud of my own work.

God has been working in weird ways with me lately.

And well. It goes on.

I could tell you all the details. But it won't work out.

Yes you guessed right. I hadn't get any better since that hotel fiasco. But that's the idea of "She walks Away", is how I walk away from the world. Or you reader. Or whatever. In some place when you feel you don't have to rush things.

Sigh*. I can't find a way to end this without being a fucking ejbfref. YES THAT'S A WORD-.-, not my problem you can't find it in the dictionary.

By the way, http://iheartlg.deviantart.com/art/The-Train-133521940
NEW SONG. it's kinda like "Nine in the afternoon" type. And you think is abstract but I wrote everything that was actually happening.

So that's it, get ready for my p.s's.

p.s; FIRST ONE :D.

p.p.s; I burned my hand and it's getting ugly :(.

p.p.p.s; My sister draw me like a logo for this blog I'll put it on later :).


"Changes come but where they go?; You'll never know."

DAY Three; Take me to hell now… OH wait, I’m on it.

We had breakfast and leaved that fucking hell as fast as we could.

I haven’t sleep since yesterday.

I don’t know how I’m holding on.

But we did it.

We got out of it.

Not before making me run the whole hotel because I thought I left my cellphone on the room and finding out it was on my pocket all this time.

I ripped of my bracelet and screamed LIBERTY.

My mom was going so fast but that’s the thing.

I began to look back and we had so many opportunities to leave the hotel.
But we didn’t because of our expectatives.

Take me to hell now… OH wait, I’m on it.

But what goes exactly how I planned it in my life?.

I will probably end up alone. Because I planned my life with Jacob.

MY day ended like a scary movie without a scary ending ends.

Went to home. Sleep till 9pm. Had pizza. And went to sleep again.

I stole the card that get us to our room.

I will never forget. The worst fucking weekend. Of my whole fucking entire life.

p.s; I will post something tomorrow with all the pictures I took just for you.

p.p.s; Playlist: ATL & JB

"She hits the gas, hoping it would pass. But the red light starts to flash, it's time to wait."

Day two; A really not so funny story

First of all, I want you to picture this;

I’m writing this while being on the balcony of my room, with a dressy shirt and shorts shorts. Sweat running through my face, my hair is made in a pony tail holded by one string of my hair. I need to pee, but the room is too hot. Exactly 31~, the temperature of a very hot day on my country.

Today I was hella sure I was going to start writing this in the good way, the totally opposite of the First Day. But due to the facts I’m going to tell you about a really not so funny story.

I was waked up at 7am by my sister and Momo to go to breakfast. My mom was running on the beach. The food was way better than dinner, and I was so full, my sister ate a lot too.

We went to the pool and all was really cool… Now.

Strike one: I was playing in the pool with all my cousins, when my sister started yelling “You’re so fat”, over and over again. Laughing like an idiot. Guess what?, it isn’t that funny.

I pinched her so she would shut up, but then she kicked me. Again. This time directly to the vajayjay.

I had to grab my sunglasses again to hide the tears and sit on a corner while it passed. But there were no tears on my eyes.

The sister came crawling asking for forgiveness in her own words, while I had to suck up my pride and smile.

After that I called my friend Armando, he always helps me with all the shit going through my head. He’s like my stone without even knowing it. Well I guess he will know now.

When he calmed me down a little and after I ate. I went to the pool again with my cousin. And I think this is the only thing that can possibly make me smile in this post. We started to look for hot guys. And I’m sorry skater boy but here’s when I start to cheat on you. This dudes are seriously the hottest guys on the world.

Anyways I took a little nap after all that. And waked up for dinner. Tonight was the white night. And I was ready.

But again. The demon in person (sister) didn’t wanted to come saying she felt bad.

Well sis sick people cannot yell that loud.

But.

My mom and I went down anyways with my uncle and cousins.

And let’s just say, there’s no cookies for the ones making that food.

Moving on. We took the train and went to the beach. Nothing too wow. And when we put a foot on that restaurant and saw the family of my aunt.

I already felt like I wasn’t part of all this. But I shrugged off the feeling.

I went to the beach and started running, fighting with the wind that was against my own body to the opposite direction I was going.

They asked me why I do that?. Well… Because I needed to do something stupid.

My sister actually had the courtesy of come to the beach with a red and orange shirt to just see the beach.

Strike two; The time of the picture came and they all were positioned correctly, like a family.

Letting my mom and I, or at least myself, with an awkward smile on my face.
Then they tried to take pictures family by family. And this is where I wanted to come.

I.have.no.family.

My sister left and my mom and I had to stay there like idiots looking at the happy families.

First one: Single mom with a lot of kids. They could be in different places you still could see in their eyes how strong they were. (picture; all posing in weird but cool positions.)

Second one: Rich family, dad, mom, little girl, and cute twins. It’s obvious that the father works a lot, and the mother is those kind of women who dreams with a perfect pie family. Still. They all loved eachother. (picture; stand straight, with big same sizes smiles.)

Third Family: Simple plan. Couple with two girls. Probably they had gone through the worst troubles, and don’t have money. But the parents loved each other, and looked very grateful after all. (picture; all hugging like no other.)

In the eyes of everybody I do have a family. I mean I have my dad right? And my mom, and my sister. But why does it feels like I don’t?. Like we are alone?.

I think is even worst having a family and not really having it, then not having one at all. If that makes sense.

So if you reader, have ever cried because your mom died when you were little and the only thing left is a photo of her. Or your dad left you when you were just a kid.

Think of everybody who does have a family. Think of me, who can’t hug her own father without feeling dirty. Who cannot be a whole day with her sister without crying a little. Who can’t stand the faking smile my mom have to do for the world out there.

I just hope it can make a lot of situations really easy.

When we had to return to the hotel. My cousin was saying that he wanted a friend who would invite him to a hotel free. My uncle respond something stupid I didn't quite catch. My respond would have go like this “Or just look for a friend with a selfish dickface as a father.” But I would just have got an awkward silence and my mom yelling “LAURA ZAHIRA!.”.

And there’s more details but I don’t want to go there again.

Strike three, and I’m out; My mom, uncle and cousin went to the not-so-secret bar of the other night.

Till they leave.

Just like that.

Letting my mom and I once again walking alone to our room.

And you know the rest…

I had to read “Lock&Key” by Sarah Dessen to keep my mind right.

Anyways.

I thought I was going to spend the night with my air conditioner watching SNL.

As I thought this hotel would have make worth all the bored nights excited about this. But it just officially ruined my ’09 summer.

This time, whatsoever , I have no hope for a change.

p.s; fun fact: I wrote this first than the first day.
p.p.s; Playlist thanked to: oldies of JLo

"I am aware, I've been misled; I disconnect my heart, my head. Don't wanna recognize when things go bad."

Day One; I wasn’t expecting this sudden change.

This is the best weekend of my summer and it already started bad.

My sister started hitting me out of the blue and pinched me on the hand letting a blue spot show. My father being witness of this, tried to blamed it on me and said he will hit me the next time.

(Oh and Momo (friend of sis) came with us instead of dad.)
Later on, after being ready. My mom got a call.

My mom’s grandmother died.

Of course she didn’t spend that much of a time with her when she was little and she didn’t know her.

But still, that’s the mother of her mother.

She told us there were possibilities of canceling the trip. I was going to rip of all my hair of frustration.

So I went outside to light up my mind with Maru.

Maru is bleeding from her left cheek. And I can’t trust on the senses of my father and leave her like that.

But I cannot go back like my mom wanted to. So we left.

All perfect, we had some chips, we told some jokes, we listen to music.

But.

My sister started calling me fat. She started yelling “You’re so fat” and moving around like she didn’t have space because of me. I hit her (not so hard, and I mean it. It wasn’t.) and she took her fucking elbow and stabbed me on my leg over and over again.

My vision started getting blurry with the tears so I took my glasses and put them on to make the impressing of a hard though girl. I tried to wipe away the tears with the back of my hand, but the blue spot that she had pinched that morning still hurted. So I let Phillip fill my ears with calming voices. And Momo to comfort me in her arms.

At the time we got to the hotel it just got worst. And I’m going to make it short.

Dirty used room, we found a cap.

My stupid sister hit me on the thigh letting another blue spot.

I found a hot skater boy who is my new lover officially….

Wait that’s not bad.

The dinner was horrible.

The fucking air conditioner didn’t work.

Due all of that, my mom went to the lobby to report(scream) all this.

There were 4 other families complaining about the same.

And while my mom yelled with other people I was trying to flirt with this guy that kept bumping his shoulder with mine.

Okay correcting, he did. But I just shoot him a glare of “You touch me one more time motherfucker and you are going down.”.

So he left.

But damn he was hot… Sorry Skater Boy.

After not gaining anything. My mom and I found a secret bar on the hotel where the bartender was really cool, and made jokes about all these gringos without they knowing.

He made my mom smile so cookies to him :).

Mom and I sat outside with all the breeze coming and it was really cool.
But we had to come back.

Eventually the air conditioner started working and we all fall sleep.
I’m really hoping tomorrow will get better. MY mom said she wanted to leave tomorrow but I don’t.

I really think there can be a change.

p.s; playlist: Jack’s Mannequin.

"You can walk away and say we don't need this, but there's something in your eyes says we can beat this;'Cause these things will change. Can you feel it now?."

My last words will be my last song

Have you ever been jealous of somebody?.

I hate to admit this. But sometimes I'm jealous of my big sister.

She is the kind of person that have this sign on her forehead that says "Fuck you I don't like you.". The girl who doesn't have that many friends. The girl that is not capable of being sociable.

And I know what you may think by now. Why would I be jealous of some one like her?.

Well, that girl has everything. I can't.

She can do anything. She can draw, she is creative. My mom used to put us in camps when we were kids and she was always good at everything the teacher put us to do.

She is beautiful on the outside, she can dye her hair blonde and she looks gorgeous. Me on the other side not so good. She can dye it red and everybody says how good she looks. I dye my hair in a crazy way and people talk behind my back saying how bad it looks.

She can leave her hair natural curly or straight. I look awkward with curly hair.

Her clothes are prettier. And she doesn't even care.

Everybody always remembers her name which I think it's idiotic 'cause Laura is simple and not too hard to remember.

My sister is basically a bitch, and everything I've always wanted to be.

I know I'm pathetic/childish and if she ever reads this I'm dead. But I know someway you'll understand.

Just so you know I love my sister and I would never hate her for this. I know this is a stupid feeling and I won't blame her. I do love her a lot :). Even if sometimes it's hard to live in the shadow of somebody else.


SOO. back to what's new today. I'm going to a hotel this weekend :), but don't worry I already selected the WI FI section where I will be posting everything from there by days. It will be 3 days:), and I hope it will work out.

Bad news?, daddy decided that he isn't going 'cause he have to work.

I have no problem with this but. The man is in his vacations right now.

I will have my bedroom locked in case he tries to do some nasty shit on my house with anyone while we are not here.

annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd.... I think that's it :).

p.s; I'm getting a new puppy next week I'll put some pictures of him.

p.p.s; I have a new lover, Andrew McMahon. Google him if your stupid little head don't know who he is.

p.p.p.s; I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS WEEKEND. I'm so excited I need to get out of here :).

p.p.p.p.s; Tomorrow I'll be busy shaving and washing my hair T.T so don't expect any news from me.

p.p.p.p.p.s; I still apologize for the post from the other day.


"I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think there must be something wrong with me; Out of all the hours thinking... Somehow I've lost my mind."

The girl behind the smile

What's up readers?.

That's a lame entry :p, it's not my style xd anyways.

this one post I'll make it short 'cause it's just to let you know that I've been experimenting a little with the blog options..

COOKIES TO THE ONES THAT NOTICED THE CHANGES :D.

so well.. i was thinking. to the ones who want to be updated directly to your hotmail (meaning it will send you a message letting you know when I update) send me a messages or tell me if you want to be subscribed. i need a list of the mails to put it up :P.

and also i changed my comments thing and you can comment without being a member here. just if you wanted it to xd. so now you dont have excuses... i mean it's not like im going to stop writing because i have no comments. i tend to deal very well with that.

and well thats it sorry for the spelling again. IM on a hurry i will come back though maybe tonight maybe tomorrow. there has been a lot of things going around my life lately. so i should apologize for all this non senses updates

p.s; just os you know. I havent sleep in 2 days. literally. so if i have an urgent break down. dont be to surprised.

p.p.s; oh yeah my p.s; are back :D. didnt thought it will last for too long?.

p.p.p.s; sorry for the other post; it was a crying shame.

"We're all part of the same sick little games; And I need a get-away."

I'm begging for a little mercy; Please?.

I know you are all busy in your whole world right now.

But mine is tumbling down piece by piece.

I'm finding myself needing the vending out right now. And all my friends are so happy, that I can't be that selfish and messed them up with my problems.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm not worth enough. I feel stupid, and I see them smiling and I know they don't need me.

They keep asking me to change. But I don't want to change, it's too hard. And God knows I've tried too hard. Every time I look around, I'm alone. I can see all of you, and still... I'm alone.

I don't know where I'm supposed to go. But I need you right now. How can I believe in happiness when I don't remember how it feels.

I want to feel normal for the first time in my life, I want to be somebody else. You know how much that sucks to me?. I've always tell that to my friends. BE YOURSELF. DON'T CHANGE FOR ANYBODY. And ironic... Here I am hating the smile I see every morning in the mirror. I can't even lie to myself.

I know the way back home like the back of my hand. But I just don't want to go there again.

I can't feel the tears anymore. It's like my eyes are numb.

I rather die in a hole.

Don't even bother. I will fake a smile. I will throw all up, you will say you are proud. And we'll pretend that everything is okay.

I'll walk away if that's what all of you need. But please. I need somebody to tell me that everything is going to be okay. I need somebody to hold my hand and say that everything is going to be fine.

But daydreams are not enough anymore. I can't keep up like this.

p.s; I'm sorry for all the darkness and bipolarness. I just need this.

"I could go back to every laugh;...But I don’t want to go there anymore."

Nobody wants to talk about it

Let me just start, saying that this is my first moving-post.

Why?.

Because I'm sleeping over my cousin's house. :) SHOUT OUT TO HER.

Anyways :), after thinking a lot on the subject we are going to talk about today, I figured out that the people usually react in different ways with it, so I'm not that sure of how will your faces be after this. I'm hoping that in this only one, you will end up thinking like me.

The thing is, that a long time ago. I told my friends I was bi-sexual. Meaning, I like both sexs. My best friend girl didn't believed me and brushed it off. My best friend boy didn't give a fuck in the way that our friendship wasn't going to get affected.

But. My other friends in the other side. Freaked out. Like seriously, they didn't even speak to me again. Or the were treating me differently.

First of all I was shocked. So I decided to tell them the truth.

I'm not bisexual :D.

But now I'm mad. They even took a "thank Goodness" kinda breath. What if I'm gay?, does that changes my personality?, or the years we spend being friends?.

And I know there are a lot of places were people are getting rejected just because they like their same sex.

I have gay friends. And that never changed our friendship, instead it make us stronger. And I feel more comfortable with them than before.

So if you know somebody that is gay. Don't let that happen to you. Don't judge.

Or if you are gay. Don't be afraid of telling your friends. IF they are for real, they'll understand. It's not like you will change suddenly, you were all along the same person you were when you started being friends with them.

Now. Let me explain me being bisexual. I'm not. Even if I have like 1654375 girl lovers. It's just that if I ever get feelings for another girl. I won't make a whole deal about it. I know there's a chance. And I wouldn't thinking it twice before going all the way with Taylor Swift, she can have me whenever she wants. But still. I know my feelings, sometimes, and I'm pretty sure about this one.

So just to clarify, I'm straight liking boys A LOT xd.

I'm just saying. Don't be such a douche bags.

I know it's kinda weird but I needed to make a whole post just about this. I had to.

And nope that's not all.

Yesterday me and my cousins spend the night playing Nintendo Wii (Mario Party 7). And the computer was Toadette. But the motherfucker was stealing my coins and stars. So I named her Perronsky, 'cause I couldn't just scream PERRA. The funny fact is that later we put Mario Party 8. And Toadette was against me too.

I think I covered everything for today.... Yeah that will make it :).

p.s; THANKS for the ones promoting my blog, I found a couple of updates in twitter and facebook. You guys just plain rock too much :D.

p.p.s; I'm going with my sister to her college AGAIN. Stay tune for whatever happens there :P.

p.p.p.s; OH WAIT. I'm so stupid of course there's something left:P. I watched Obsessed with my sister just waiting for the fight between Beyonce and the horny blonde. Let me tell you something. Beyonce is my fucking hero she can beat that white ass in boots with heals. It's seriously the best sex scene EVER.... ehh... I mean fight.

p.p.p.p.s; I have to stop putting so many p.s's. I promise I will remember everything for the next post.

"I strip down my dignity; They can take all of me, but they won't ever take what I still believe."