When you think that change is just for the worst, is because you have only change for the worst.

http://lgwalksaway.tumblr.com/

ENJOY :D.

My last post for 'She walks away'; I'm going to miss it:(.

Nope, this isn't a joke.

This is the last post I'm going to make here in 'L.G walks away".

Probably.

:P. The thing is that I've been checking out Tumblr.com, and I think it would be more fun for me and for you to write/read.

And I say probably because I have a friend that has a blog there and I don't want her to think that I'm copying her :s, so from here I'm officially asking you (you know who you are), if I can join tumblr too?.

It's really your decision I wouldn't care that much, and I will totally understand your point:).

Sorry for scaring you guys xd, no I'm not ending 'she walks away', not for now. And there's a lot of details that I want to converse with you, to organize the event well:).

I'm sure as hell going to miss blogger :(, thanks for being my beginning budd.

And well Pumpkin it is all up to you:).

p.s; I need to speak up about something, but later.

p.p.s; GOING TO EAT SUNDAES :o, the sis is paying<3.

"We’ll stop the clock together and know that the timing was right."

I'm going to return that teddy bear you gave me. 'Cause it is not okay.

I hope this is the first and last time I say this. It's kind of uncomfortable to admit.

One of the reasons why I didn't want to create a blog is that I know some things are going to be used as a gossip. Like for example my last post.

I didn't make this(blog) thinking about my friends or the people I know. I wasn't even sure if they were going to read it. Though I'm fine with the idea of them reading (blog).

But I hate to explain what I write, of people who don't understand, of people using my words against myself.

What I post here is likely to stay here. I wrote it because I was thinking of it and I want to forget about it. Not to insult somebody or to confess a really deep secret.

In other words. It's just odd for me. So for further awkward conversations. Don't bring up one of my updates please. I'm not naming the 4 people that yesterday either messaged, or called at my phone for details. Because well we will be in the same page.

I will not use names ever again here. I promise.

ANYWAY. Today my sister was parking her car, and accidentally she crashed over the door. My mom was trying to move the car so it wouldn't get fucked up.She failed. And suddenly she started crying.

The thing is, that my mom is though, she is a strong woman.

She wasn't never the favorite girl, the one everybody picked like her sister.

She isn't perfect.

She has a rocky life. The worst things that can probably break one person happens all in one to her. And she stills holds her head strong like nothing happened. There's always a solution for everything. And she always makes sure that my sister and I always stay away from every one of her problems.

And tonight. Tonight she cried over nothing. I personally don't think it was because of the car. I'm sure something else happened. But she won't tell.

When I saw her cursing at nothing and letting some tears spill from her eyes. Every other stupid idea vanished.

She wanted to hug her mom.

Those moments when you just want your mom to rock you in her lap and whisper that everything is going to be okay.

It made me realize that I've spend the whole weekend next to her and I haven't hug her. Not once.

She always complains, she yells, she doesn't always takes the right decisions, she is not always home.

But she is my mom, and I wouldn't have her any other way.

Thanks mom, for teaching me how to live. Those subjects are never seen in school. Thanks for not getting in the way when I was growing, and even then thanks for your advices. Thanks mom for being my mom.

p.s; You know what?. I miss my grandma too T.T

p.p.s; I didn't mean back there that a couple of 'wow i love your writing' or 'loved your post' aren't well welcoming ;).

p.p.p.s; Hug your mom, and if you don't have one. Pray for her, I'm sure she will hear :).

"When violet eyes get brighter, and heavy wings grow lighter, I'll taste the sky and feel alive again. And I'll forget the world that I knew; But I swear I won't forget you."

How can I believe that you are happy when I see tears in your eyes?.

No more indirects in this one. I'm sorry by advance if I mention names here.

Right now, like 5 minutes ago. I got out of a friendship that well wasn't perfect.

I know that nothing is perfect in life. And for an unknown reason I always try to correct what is not perfect. Even if I'm scared of having a perfect life.

The thing is that I had fun in the friendship, I trust this person. And I guess she trust me too.

But every time this flaws came to eyes. There was a reason to fight.

And it will always be easier to blame it on someone else. This case exact.

Yes. I did the same. But I'm proud of saying that I know where I was wrong.

Sometimes "I'm sorry" is not enough. Or at least in time it isn't. And I guess you are friend's with people because you need them. Right?. 'Cause after you stop needing them they are useless. Right?. And probably I will always have the blame for all the things you did wrong. Right?.

I hope you all noted the sarcasm used:).

If what you wanted was for me to feel sorry for you. Then mission accomplished.

I had two group of friends.

My friends who didn't judge, but created drama in every opportunity they got.

And my friends who judge, but are there no matter what. They never ask for something back.

And I guess you have all figured out which ones I had to pick. 'Cause I had to.

And you can take this like an insult, like an advice, Leslie/Armando/Mayerlin.

It's not that I can't give you my all. It's that I'm scared you will take it all. And leave me with nothing to hold onto.

It's really clear now to see how I'm with somebody who I can help. And maybe my friends judge me. But it's not how they injure me.Not how it hurts to know that the think like that. It's how I know if we weren't together. They wouldn't have the need to smile.

Getting of off my life. The point is...

Don't be friends, don't get in a relationship with some one. IF YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE SMILING. That's not the point at all.

Take 1 to 5 minutes to think about your life. How right now you are screaming 'no' in your head because you think I'm wrong. Think about you. Think if you did it too?.







No?.

I'm happy that you noticed sooner rather than later how you don't need me anymore. How I'm hurting you now. Thank you.

:)

p.s; I'm not sad.'Cause you just gave me a reason not to be.

p.p.s; I'm going to see my grandma this Christmas:). Something good to look forward to it.

p.p.p.s; WATCH THIS:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2Gh1U14RZA&feature=fvst I can't stop.

p.p.p.p.s; Even if it's not enough... I'm sorry.

"Why you staring?. Do you still think that you know?. Looking for treasure in the things that you threw, Like a magpie; I live for glitter, not you."

Your past will always be waiting for you to come back. Don't.

Since I was really little, there's this thing that has got me paranoid.

It sickens me and it makes me judge people from an instant.

I hate when somebody copies from me. I hate when people copy from anybody else.

Like I understand if you saw once a girl with a scarf and wanted to try it out. That's cool.

But don't make your whole style based on somebody else.

What's worse for me is when people take my words. That's basically the only thing that can represent me. My image, even better than a picture. So it always gets on my nerves when somebody else takes it and doesn't even have the guts to put 'L.G' in the end.

I know I probably sound mean, but like I said... Since I was little.

Anyways, I was thinking about how all the girls when they have a broken heart, they always blame the guy. And that's why they can't move on.

They stay in phase 3 that is anger. Because he didn't love you, because he didn't cared enough, because he didn't fight for you.

And I know it because I have done it. I have insult somebody who didn't deserve the blame. And while you are breaking furiously his pictures or writing angry notes about him.

He is already forgetting your name.

So please don't give him the pleasure of having him in your mind. Just accept that it wasn't supposed to be. Neither you or him was right.

Again, sorry if I sound mean. I don't know why I haven't said this before but the two things had been coming around this days.

Yesterday I enjoyed what is to be alone. I started to miss it when my friends called me. But it's one of the most awesome things in the world. I lay my body on a bench in a park and stared to the sky.

I didn't think of one thing. And I didn't clear anything in my mind. But it felt really refreshing. Though for some reason when it ended I was waiting for somebody, for somebody to come.

p.s; Sorry if sometimes I don't say the things straight to your face. I just don't think it's necessary when you already know it.

p.p.s; Spend the whole day reading,listening,watching All Time Low :).

p.p.p.s; Somebody never came.

"I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile, like so much time that we spent in the fall. It put color in our cheeks while the air turned cold, preceding what became our bitter end".

My prince charming will have a guitar instead of a sword.

Let's skip the apologies for the darkness that I have leave you Oh dear reader. And start with my sudden happiness/weirdness.

All the coming facts are weird but produce a happy sensation in my mind:).

Saturday night I went with some friends to the Hilton's because JB's band was there. And nope I didn't see them, but it was fun to be back again with some old friends:).

Sunday the big day came and I woke up at 6am to be back again in the Hilton's waiting for the Jonas Brothers in the hot sun with other 50 girls. Not before paying my sister 1000 pesos so she could drive me in the morning.

Those beautiful three persons that were first on my weekend decided to make me wait. And I repeat. In the hot sun, 7;00am to 12;00pm. Just to wave for 5 seconds and then leave to their room.

Disappointing?, maybe, but I know I would have regret not going more.

By now my hair was a mess, but let's keep going. At 3;00pm I was in the sun, oh yes AGAIN. Waiting for the meet and greet passes. To get to the room at 5;00.

Then after asking for the sticker;

I lose track of it, and when I was about to meet my papis they asked for it one more time. I started crying 'cause it was going to be such a disappointment to come that far and yet lose my chance.

But I found it and it was all good, I wiped my tears and start to walk to them, and this is how it went:.

Kevin; Hey!, thanks for coming. *hand shake*
Me; Hii, can I hug you?.
Kevin; Of course *hugs tight*

( Then I see Nick with open arms, so I closed my eyes and started to walk to him. He hugged me like from far away so I had to press a little-.-, it ended up being a good hug though:), and yes we didn't say anything. )

Joe; Houla
Me; uhh Hi Joe?. *hugs*

*Sexy Hoffman takes picture*
Joe; Gruacias
Laura; *mentally* wtf?xd.

I won't lie, when I got out of it I was pissed off with them, like why the hell they hug like that?. But like half an hour later I changed my mind and started to find all this awesome things:).

So maybe my m&g was over in less than 5 seconds, and maybe I didn't say a word to Nick. But it made me feel special:). So thank you Jonas Brothers, for reminding me why I'm still here after 3 hard years.

So anyways in monday I found out I was strangely depressed, it's what we Jb fans call depression-post-concert. It's when you realize that you probably won't see them again and want more.

But I'm fine now.

Anyways I wrote a story of two chapters, in spanish, that I actually like. I'm going to post it here maybe tomorrow and your opinions will mean the world to me.

And before Jonas some subjects about myself started to come out and I wanted to talked it with you.

I don't get mad, I do but only for 5 minutes, I understand that we make mistakes and that we don't want to hurt somebody else. But there are some things that you just can't do, like for example. You can't insult my dog.

You can't come to my house and say that my dog is ugly, I can't stand people that do that, it's my fucking dog asshole, it's like you are insulting myself. Or the jonas brothers.

They can be a stupid band of Disney, whatever. They are the start of my life. My right hand, my music, my muse. It's annoying when people say how the suck as much as their fans.

Yes probably they are stupid things but it just gives me bad chills.

p.s; I'm sorry for the two last subjects I just didn't wanted to let you with jonas only.

p.p.s; I am happy readers:).

p.p.p.s; I'm the Julie of Julie&Julia

p.p.p.p.s; I'm not perfect, but look at the cutee little smile of Nick, it's obvious that we have an inside joke;) (note the dog tags)


"Honestly; Can you believe we crossed the world while it's asleep?. I'd never trade it in, 'cause I've always wanted this, and it's not a dream anymore."

You can start to feel sorry for me; It can't be worse than doing it myself.

This is the second moving post I do.

But my ubication is secret. Though I will say it some other day.

I'm just making an exception this one time 'cause I really needed to vend out.

This is one of the saddest days of my life.

First thing in the morning, I realized I still like the guy I thought I hated.

In school. The guy I mentioned in the other post said that he stopped talking to us because he was just interested in girls.

I wonder what that makes me then...

There's some contest in my school. Like a rally. And I've been supporting the teams since I was in first grade. And I promised to myself that I was going to participate in it someday.

After picking me as one of the persons competing. They took me out. As easy as that. Then everybody was like "aww Laura I'm so sorry.".

So after the bitch slap in the face and the deception. They made me feel pathetic and worthless.

I told my mom that I was going to be part of it. And she told me that it was going to be okay. That I was going to be selected.

FML.

I don't want to cheer a team anymore without participating.

I won't do it.

Then Oscar Wilde told me that what I make is not art. That is just an autobiography. 'Cause I put too much of myself in my poems.

And you know what?. I totally agree with him.

But let me tell you Oscar. You did the same mistake as I. Though mine is worst 'cause I'm still doing it wrong.

I'm sorry if I'm depressing you with my sad life. But my friends are all really happy. I don't want to be on their way.

p.s; I'm sorry
p.p.s; YES. I like someone who will never like me. FINE.
p.p.p.s; Jonas Brothers concert coming. woohoo...
p.p.p.p.s; MY FUCKING WRITING IS SLOPPY-.-.

"But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all."

But I prefer to make the ending the beginning, so we don't have to come back.

I'm going to warn you so you don't find it weird when it happens.

Winter is coming down the way, and when winter comes, my whole mood changes. I spend the whole year practicing fake laughs and holding tears for this exact months.

There are just too many bad memories in the past, and it's a tradition by now to be extremely bipolar in christmas.

Though I probably will write more, I'm not really sure. But we'll see.

I would tell you the story but I don't know myself the beginning.

Talking about story, I was retelling mine on my head and there's one interesting point of my life I have never post. It's something that has been hunting me down since then.

It all started when I was in 6~grade. I met new people there. But we'll focus in just one person. One guy.

He sat next to me in the class and we soon started talking and becoming best friends. Of course I know I was 11 when that happened I can't really judge my/his decisions.

The thing is he was the most amazing person I had yet met. My first best friend if I may say.

Cliche as it can be. Yes I fell in love.

Well, not in love. But I didn't know it those days.

I told him all my secrets and he told me his. Those were really great years.

When we were finishing 6~grade some crazy girl told him my feelings towards him.

Yes indeed, the most embarrassing moment of my life. But let it to him who made me feel special and didn't care.

But dear reader, you more than I know that words are just words when they are said.

And in between 7~ and 8~ grade we weren't friends anymore. He didn't talk to me, we just ignored each other. Of course it was killing me 'cause I still felt something for him. And I wanted to be his friend.

It was awkward being around him.

And what hurts the most is, that we weren't actually friends. That he didn't trust me at all. It was just fake, and just a way to kill time. I was just his entertainment.

But it's all left to my mind to figure out.

'Cause still counting the days, I don't know the reason why I wasn't good enough for him anymore. I haven't hear a word of him about the subject. I tried to talk it out. But he doesn't open his mouth.

I could have help you in your worst moments, when I was next to you. Though I know it was all your choice.

His current girlfriend by the way hates me. She's always sending me this dirty looks when she is around. And it's kind of frustrating 'cause they don't speak their mind.

Just perfect for each other.

I thought I would regret ever sitting in front of him when I got to school.

But thinking about everything made me realize that because of him I started writing, that he is the reason why I always have a pen next to me.

No he is not the reason why I write today. But he was my beginning.

Thanks for making me who I am today. I'm sorry if I thought we were best friends when we were just two people hanging out.

The real reason why I bring this up all now is because the other day. We were praying and talking about how and when we listen to God. And he raised his hand and said how he had problems with his father, with watery eyes and all.

I felt so pathetic because as soon as he ended my tears started falling. And I hope he didn't see this.

My friends made up 3 reasons why I could have been crying.

1. Because of him.
2. Because of my dad.
3. Because I needed to cry.

In my opinion, now that no one ever asked. My tears betrayed me, they didn't have a reason.

This is the end of the story, it wasn't because of him 'cause I just simply don't care about his existence. It wasn't because of my dad 'cause I already dried all my tears for him. And I did not needed to cry because I have already cried a lot. My life in that moment, was regularly happy.

So those are the 3 things unknown in my life.

Welcome to it.

p.s; I know I said I was celebrating the 5 month-a-niversary, but I got a better idea and it's kind of hard to do so I will leave it for the the anniversary of my first year.

p.p.s; I need all my readers to participate in the idea:).

p.p.p.s; There's more details in this story and my writing is kind of sloppy today. But wanted to get things cleared out.

p.p.p.p.s; He is not the reason why I write today.

p.p.p.s; SURPRISE!.

"I'm alive; But I don't need a witness to know that I've survived. I'm not looking for forgiveness."

I can't answer you if I don't know myself where I wanna be.

I know it sucks when you try to make a change. To show that you care, and people take it like an insult.

I know I can break anybody apart, I can be the meanest person if I wanted to.

But I don't.

Last night I couldn't sleep at all, and with all the thinking I finally got the answer of why I have a blog, or why it's so easy for me to trust in anybody.

It's because I don't want my story to be just a grave in the mud. My biggest fear is to be, and once forgotten. So I try to stay, in the memory of somebody.

I guess I always knew this was the answer, but just now is when I'm accepting it.

I hate to be like clear glass though, like I can't lie to my friends. They instantly know, and what bothers me about it, is that at the end I won't have something to call my own.

So I kinda don't know where I stand anymore.

I was reading the last post I made, not the one with the poems but the other one. And I think it made a little bit of controversy cause everybody has been on that place before. So for my own good and others I'm gonna end it.

I didn't specify what do we do in case to be the ones confused, the ones that don't know if to say sorry or wait for something. Even when we do want to apologize.

You can say we are the weak ones 'cause we always end up losing. If you fight back, just a little bit, you are just clarifying that you are the bad one. Even when we say sorry it's not enough. Everything you say is going to be used against your own.

It's weird to say it though 'cause that's where I am right now.

I could say you can wait till the water clears and then eventually come back. But of course they are your friends so why should we hold up?. What are we waiting for anyways?. We said sorry already, we insult them already.

Isn't that what they wanted? a fight?.

Of course not. And we know this. We know is wrong, but what to do when we feel totally uncovered. Tell me what to do when I'm on my weakest point?.

They want you to apologize. But you will never meant it, and that's where they are wrong again. We do.

We just don't know why.

My point is... Don't hold up anything, life won't wait for you to be ready.

'Cause that's the thing about friends.

You sure as hell can live without them. Even if the road gets bumpy.

If they feel this way they will come back. If they just forget about you, why should you stay in the same place waiting for that person?.

Don't be a quitter, that's not what I'm trying to say, what I'm trying to say is that if a friendship ends, then you were never friends. Just two people to hang out with, people that you laugh with, people that you trust. Just for a little while.

'Best friends' is kinda like a feeling. You can't stop it.

And well either way you grow up, and you find why you had to gave up so easily on the most important person of your life.

p.s; This all counts with the person you like too.

p.p.s; I would be lying if I said I don't miss my best friend.

p.p.p.s; Good luck to the ones who lost their best friends.

"Goodbye my best friend; This is no kind of living. Goodnight my love; At least I held you on last time."

I missed the smell of the typing letters.

I have many more. But with 3 is enough.

:D. Hope you enjoy, tell me if you like it or if I was better before, or now, or never. :)

Making me up;
http://iheartlg.deviantart.com/art/Making-me-up-138473564

Let's count the pieces;
http://iheartlg.deviantart.com/art/Let-s-count-the-pieces-138473026

I'll sing what I can't say;
http://iheartlg.deviantart.com/art/I-ll-sing-what-I-can-t-say-138472256

p.s; about the 5 month-a-nniversary... I don't have any idea of what I'm going to do. So if you want to collaborate, all the opinions will be heard :D.

p.p.s; new paramore album ROCKS, still I don't think it's their best work yet.

"The angles were all wrong; Now she's ripping wings off of butterflies, with her feet on the ground."

I know you are hearing, but do you even try to listen?.

Let's face it.

Sometimes we claim for something.

Sometimes we fight with our friends 'cause we interpret things in ways that can offend us.

And when they explain to you what was happening. When they tell you that you were wrong.

You are so pissed off that you stay mad. For no valid reason. Just because you know you are stupid enough to make a whole deal about nothing, when it was the other way around.

I've been on both sides. I've been mad for no reason and slapped my face mentally for being that stupid. But tried to convince myself that I'm always right.

And now I'm paying for all those times I did that and come clean.

My best friend is mad at me and even when she knows she is not right. She tries to find other reasons to still be mad.

This is not just for her. This is for everybody who has been in the stupid side.

Your pride will never be more important than your real friends. You don't even have to apologize. Just don't get mad. It gets old. And it's not good for you.

Not only because of that.

I've been on the edge of losing my best friends because I choose myself over the ones who made my life.

If you are mad. It's all up to you, 'cause at the end you are the only one frowning while everybody moved on like an old topic.

Anyways, this is when I act like a spoiled child and call myself a writer.

The other day one of my friends ( Nicole ) was telling me about a girl that she dislike that had a blog and that in her school she was very popular and well people said they liked what she wrote.

I don't judge, so I read it and well it sucked. The girl is basing her life in quotes and getting them together in a post, pretending it's hers. That's plain fake.

But that's another point. What I'm trying to say is. Don't use pretty quotes as your life rules. Yes they might be right in some moments but they are made of people who try to be right. And at the end of the day they all say the opposite. Example;

"Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about."

vs.

"If it keeps hurting you. Move on, doesn't matter how hard it is to forget the person that is always on your mind."

(found them in the same place thanks to: Bumper Stickers)

Get my point?. I know it's a sloppy example but I'm lazy.

I know I'm all songs and their lyrics and how they teach you in life. But songs like moments are just to reminisce.

And after all I prefer to be the one writing than repeating.

p.s; Do you notice the change?, I'm writing a lot. That means writer's block is coming up. Though I'm prepared this time.

p.p.s; I know it's too soon but in novemeber is LGwalksaway 5 month-a-niversary so I got surprises for you on that day.

p.p.p.s; I was tented on giving out the link for the blog I was talking about, but that's rude, so no. I don't know the girl and I have no interest on it whatsoever now.

"I'm hoping you'll understand and not let go of my hand."

Better late than never... Right?

Maybe I'm late but always right :).

Promised you 2 posts for today. And well I'm doing some old errands that should have done a long time ago.

Welcome back to hell my friends.


I could still go back.


It's too late by now though


Who would say... Hell is blue!.


Guess which one is mine:D?.


I was so happy... fuckers-.-


5kilometers for the beach.


damn. that's hot


The only thing I ate.


THIS, is sexiness.


Do you see all the smiles? please don't count my sister.


In the train :D.


I look underage :).


in my room. fixing the air. FML.


Please moon don't forget to fall down.


She is the only one who will ever understand my pain.


cute.


fucking creepy in the night


My lucky number?.


Is it ice cream? NO, is it puddin? NO, then what?. Just a pink thing.


<3.


Remember the bar?.


p.s; I hope we can make this again xd like a lot of pictures :P it was cool but tiring.

p.p.s; there's more things that I wanted to say but I must say I have to make you wait till tomorrow xd. im busy sorry:(.

"I'm a dizzy mess, and everything is so above me from the floor of any life I lead today."

Should I be scared of dreaming?. Or of my expectations?.

I have always been a B girl. Not just in grades.

I was born being the second one. You know the girl who is always the second finalist in every competition but never wins?. Or the one who can do everything good but not perfect?. Or just the not-excellent-but-worth-the-try type.

It may sound sad or pathetic. But I like it. I'm used to it by now. It's like my expectations are already set in a place. If I fall it won't hurt that bad.

Why say this now?.

'Cause lately I've been repeating this phrase the whole week. And still I can't seem to put me up in that place. It's stupid I know. But why do I think I'm capable of believe in it?.

'Cause I've seen people win, even if I know I won't.

Somebody else has got to have that job.

Anyways. It's kinda a last topic but...

THE JONAS BROTHERS ARE COMING.

xd sorry for the teenie-ness. But it had to come out eventually.

Random much, I had to insert that there so my blog wouldn't look such a 'cry me a river' thing.

My grandpa's best friend died this sunday, and yesterday they were getting together to pray for his soul. I went because my mom was taking us to dinner after that. Such an egocentric action I know. But karma is a bitch, a sweet intelligent bitch.

And when we got there it was like a dejavu, people crying, with somebody by their side trying to comfort them or just stopping by to say hi (yes they do that).

You don't want to talk to anybody when your father, your best friend, your uncle, your husband, your whatever dies. You just wanna cry or think about it. ALONE.

So I didn't say hello or anything, just look around oddly.

Though my mom made me say hi to the wife. And when I hugged her, we literally spend 5 minutes there, holding into each others arms. And I think that's what she needed. Not an "I'm so sorry". Just a hug. Just the necessity of knowing that somebody was understanding you.

Or perhaps that's what I wanted.

Well, that's it for now, not today:).

p.s; Sorry for being such a bitch and not updating faster, my inspiration doesn't quite like me anymore.

p.p.s; The phrase I've been saying this week is. "Don't lose your hope."

p.p.p.s; Row: D, sit; 1&2... Wish me luck?.

p.p.p.p.s;


"In no time there'll be one less sad robot looking for a chance to be something more than just metal."

What the fuck is wrong with the world?.

I've been holding all the pieces of my world. But I only have two hands. And I can now hear all the tickling they made in the floor.

It's either crying on random moments that you can barely hold. Or just closing your eyes to imaging you are somewhere else.

I've been feeling alone in a room with 45 people for the past month.

I've loss the trust in some of my best friends that now I can only call friends.

I get the feeling again of something is missing.

But what I've been learning while during this experience?.

That I'm not alone. I'm just not looking in the right place.

That somehow, it will all get better.

Maybe you'll need to take baby steps, maybe you don't even have to stand up.

Nope, I'm still not happy, and things are not getting done like I want them to. You may say I'm stupid for saying all that.

But it's called hope you dumbass. And I think we all should have it. If you think you are losing it, talk to a friend. It is worth it. Take the risk. Or just talk to me. I will listen.

Anyways. During my thinking time. I've grow hard with a new hero.

She has been keeping my mind right. Sarah Dessen<3. Thank you. Your books are just plain awesome.

Still... I think I need a flush of all this, and not even writing is making the whole deal. I want to find new friends:).

And, I feel like my relationship with God is improving. I started to push him away from me, but now I'm back again following his steps. I'm sorry I once turn my head the other way.

And before I close. I want to make a public apology; Sorry for taking our friendship too seriously when it was barely nothing. Sorry for insulting you if I didn't have a reason why. Sorry for proving you that yes. I am childish. Just sorry.

p.s; FAJITA IS HERE. tomorrow pictures of her and the hell of a hotel.

p.p.s; Shane Dawson takes credit of being my half hero too.

p.p.p.s; I have new readers<3. I'm sorry for being a baby about it xd.

p.p.p.p.s; I haven't sleep in 2 days. And yes indeed it sucks.

p.p.p.p.p.s; I need somebody.

"Goodbye, my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you. Can't you just let me be?."

Oh!, how the tables have turned.

This morning. I was prepared to beg. I was ready to ask for forgiveness, even if my hands haven't move.

I was writing a letter to a friend, 'cause I made a mistake, I screwed up big time. And I know this is the killing line. But I hate the word 'sorry' when is coming out of my mouth. It's hard for me, not 'cause I can't feel it. But because I feel awkward saying it.

And after I was done, I was going to post it here.

But then all starts to makes sense. People making a whole idea of me, with words that aren't coming out of my mouth. I felt so vulnerable right there, in that moment. I can see how I can't even trust my friends.

That I should back up like I used to do.

Is that what you want me to do?. Or am I making a whole deal again?.

I'm still strong with the sorry pasted on my heart, while my forehead says everything I've done wrong.

It's too much for me to take right now. I can't get myself involved again in the losing a friend resolution.

So I will back up, and pretend we never met.

Just like you do.

'Cause I'm not free, I have to be chained up at somebody. Even if it hurts to see how my best friend is another person in the world.

How the original post started?

"I'm sorry is not even enough, I don't deserve you, and I know I'm stupid."

When did all of you planned on turning your backs on me?.


"Remorse is hard to fake, when you only feel sorry for yourself."

The only difference between Friendship and Love is that one is fake

I was reading all the post and realized I've never talked about this.

And this is the perfect moment to say it.

Friendship is not crap. It is real. There are people who we can trust and will trust us... Yes they do exist.

Even when we make mistakes. They'll forgive us. Not only 'cause they miss us, but because they understand how guilty we feel.

The tears in our eyes will be accompanied by a laugh every time they are near. 'Cause they teach us how important is to let it all go, and still hold on.

When I feel alone. There's always one hand helping me to get up. It's not just one person. It's in general.

Of course you fight with them. And if your pride is more important to you. Then don't even look back.

It's not about phone calls, or going to the mall, or hanging out. It's a warm embrace that makes you feel special, that makes you feel who you are.

I would jump in front of a bus for all my friends. It's not a 'think it' thing though :).

It isn't the time either. Or the 'I love you's, not even how much they know about me.

I've got a friend who cries with me, who is different, who listen to me, who understand me, who makes me laugh, who holds my hand, who sings me songs. And even if I just had one of them. It would be enough.

I could write forever trying to explain what friendship is. But you wouldn't understand. 'Cause you just know. When they are there, you know those are the persons that will be your brides maids, or the guy who could fight anyone 'cause my heart was broken.

:D, to summarize the word... I'll say that. Because of my friends I wake up every morning to go to school.

p.s; About the last post it was hard at the beginning. But you kinda look for the PROS.

p.p.s; Recently somebody told me that I lost a friend who didn't even trust in me. And well, it's sad. 'Cause I thought we were friends, and that the tears weren't worth it.

p.p.p.s; I'm not ready to have more siblings.

"Tonight, we lie awake. Remember how the coffee made us shake on those long drives?. One more long night."

Finally all come to this.

Today.

Today my dad told us that he was leaving the house. And well, the same rambling about how he was still going to stick around, or come visit us.

Anyways. The thing is, after all that we left to our room. And I had this big bitchy smile on my face.

But then I heard my sister cry. And suddenly, it all hit me.

I won't see him again. Every time I get up in the morning. He won't be there. He won't call us to take a bath or brush our teeth. He won't have a Toblerone hidden to randomly give us a piece. There are a lot of other things left but the tears are clouding my sight.

The point is.

He won't be here. Period.

It sucks 'cause I was going to complain about men today. And this happened.

You don't have to say I told you so. 'Cause I know I said I wouldn't care. And I was looking for something to happen.

I deserve this.

I'm trying to fake my smile around people so they won't ask about it.

But whatever, I really don't want to talk about this, I can't let myself be again, the weak one. I won't.

This is really difficult and I don't know how I will tell my friends about it. I hope everything will find it's place eventually.

Just like it's meant to be.

p.s; I'm trying so hard to smile again.

p.p.s; Jacob will forever stay in my imagination.

p.p.p.s; I miss my friends<3.

p.p.p.p.s; This ruined my first day of class.

"Now that I'm grown I've seen marriages fall to pieces;Now that I'm grown I've seen friendships fall to pieces."

Why this never crossed my mind?.

Tomorrow I start school again.

I have a lot of opinions about this. But let's get to the point.

I'm afraid I won't find Jacob.

Knowing my shitty life. Nothing goes as planned.

I tried to stop planning it. But I want it. So it's impossible.

So if I end up alone and miserable without someone to love (I love my friends xd). You know why.

I did have something to say today, that I've been trying to get out. But there's no time.

On saturday I will post it though. And give you an update about what the heck is going on with Jacob. But what if he doesn't come tomorrow?, what if he comes other day...

I will shoot myself :(. I can't wait.

And that just takes away my chances of meeting him.

p.s; This is dumb, but work with me dear readers.

"You told me on a sunday,that it wasn't gonna work;I tried to cry myself to sleep,'cause it was supposed to hurt."

New Logo :D

credits; Sister
Rearranges; ME!.

Hope you like it :) it's who I am.

"The black keys, never looks so beautiful; And a perfect rainbow, never seems so dull."

What I'm good at

I would be lying if I said this came clearly like every other post here.

That I didn't had to erased it and write it again, over and over again.

So I won't say it.

Instead of drowning myself in this horrible world of "writer's block". I will use it like a PRO.

I have had writer's block before, but it's easy to just not write anything at all and wait for my good friend inspiration to strike in a weird moment.

But this one, is frustrating. I CAN WRITE. and I do write. So after finishing a long work. I read it.

And it's just plain lame.

Laura is not the type of girl who will write to make somebody else happy. It just takes off the beauty of the art.

In my opinion.

But a lot of stuff is coming on and off my life, and a couple of poems wouldn't be so bad after all. That's why I've waited for so long, but I need it now. I need to be proud of my own work.

God has been working in weird ways with me lately.

And well. It goes on.

I could tell you all the details. But it won't work out.

Yes you guessed right. I hadn't get any better since that hotel fiasco. But that's the idea of "She walks Away", is how I walk away from the world. Or you reader. Or whatever. In some place when you feel you don't have to rush things.

Sigh*. I can't find a way to end this without being a fucking ejbfref. YES THAT'S A WORD-.-, not my problem you can't find it in the dictionary.

By the way, http://iheartlg.deviantart.com/art/The-Train-133521940
NEW SONG. it's kinda like "Nine in the afternoon" type. And you think is abstract but I wrote everything that was actually happening.

So that's it, get ready for my p.s's.

p.s; FIRST ONE :D.

p.p.s; I burned my hand and it's getting ugly :(.

p.p.p.s; My sister draw me like a logo for this blog I'll put it on later :).


"Changes come but where they go?; You'll never know."

DAY Three; Take me to hell now… OH wait, I’m on it.

We had breakfast and leaved that fucking hell as fast as we could.

I haven’t sleep since yesterday.

I don’t know how I’m holding on.

But we did it.

We got out of it.

Not before making me run the whole hotel because I thought I left my cellphone on the room and finding out it was on my pocket all this time.

I ripped of my bracelet and screamed LIBERTY.

My mom was going so fast but that’s the thing.

I began to look back and we had so many opportunities to leave the hotel.
But we didn’t because of our expectatives.

Take me to hell now… OH wait, I’m on it.

But what goes exactly how I planned it in my life?.

I will probably end up alone. Because I planned my life with Jacob.

MY day ended like a scary movie without a scary ending ends.

Went to home. Sleep till 9pm. Had pizza. And went to sleep again.

I stole the card that get us to our room.

I will never forget. The worst fucking weekend. Of my whole fucking entire life.

p.s; I will post something tomorrow with all the pictures I took just for you.

p.p.s; Playlist: ATL & JB

"She hits the gas, hoping it would pass. But the red light starts to flash, it's time to wait."

Day two; A really not so funny story

First of all, I want you to picture this;

I’m writing this while being on the balcony of my room, with a dressy shirt and shorts shorts. Sweat running through my face, my hair is made in a pony tail holded by one string of my hair. I need to pee, but the room is too hot. Exactly 31~, the temperature of a very hot day on my country.

Today I was hella sure I was going to start writing this in the good way, the totally opposite of the First Day. But due to the facts I’m going to tell you about a really not so funny story.

I was waked up at 7am by my sister and Momo to go to breakfast. My mom was running on the beach. The food was way better than dinner, and I was so full, my sister ate a lot too.

We went to the pool and all was really cool… Now.

Strike one: I was playing in the pool with all my cousins, when my sister started yelling “You’re so fat”, over and over again. Laughing like an idiot. Guess what?, it isn’t that funny.

I pinched her so she would shut up, but then she kicked me. Again. This time directly to the vajayjay.

I had to grab my sunglasses again to hide the tears and sit on a corner while it passed. But there were no tears on my eyes.

The sister came crawling asking for forgiveness in her own words, while I had to suck up my pride and smile.

After that I called my friend Armando, he always helps me with all the shit going through my head. He’s like my stone without even knowing it. Well I guess he will know now.

When he calmed me down a little and after I ate. I went to the pool again with my cousin. And I think this is the only thing that can possibly make me smile in this post. We started to look for hot guys. And I’m sorry skater boy but here’s when I start to cheat on you. This dudes are seriously the hottest guys on the world.

Anyways I took a little nap after all that. And waked up for dinner. Tonight was the white night. And I was ready.

But again. The demon in person (sister) didn’t wanted to come saying she felt bad.

Well sis sick people cannot yell that loud.

But.

My mom and I went down anyways with my uncle and cousins.

And let’s just say, there’s no cookies for the ones making that food.

Moving on. We took the train and went to the beach. Nothing too wow. And when we put a foot on that restaurant and saw the family of my aunt.

I already felt like I wasn’t part of all this. But I shrugged off the feeling.

I went to the beach and started running, fighting with the wind that was against my own body to the opposite direction I was going.

They asked me why I do that?. Well… Because I needed to do something stupid.

My sister actually had the courtesy of come to the beach with a red and orange shirt to just see the beach.

Strike two; The time of the picture came and they all were positioned correctly, like a family.

Letting my mom and I, or at least myself, with an awkward smile on my face.
Then they tried to take pictures family by family. And this is where I wanted to come.

I.have.no.family.

My sister left and my mom and I had to stay there like idiots looking at the happy families.

First one: Single mom with a lot of kids. They could be in different places you still could see in their eyes how strong they were. (picture; all posing in weird but cool positions.)

Second one: Rich family, dad, mom, little girl, and cute twins. It’s obvious that the father works a lot, and the mother is those kind of women who dreams with a perfect pie family. Still. They all loved eachother. (picture; stand straight, with big same sizes smiles.)

Third Family: Simple plan. Couple with two girls. Probably they had gone through the worst troubles, and don’t have money. But the parents loved each other, and looked very grateful after all. (picture; all hugging like no other.)

In the eyes of everybody I do have a family. I mean I have my dad right? And my mom, and my sister. But why does it feels like I don’t?. Like we are alone?.

I think is even worst having a family and not really having it, then not having one at all. If that makes sense.

So if you reader, have ever cried because your mom died when you were little and the only thing left is a photo of her. Or your dad left you when you were just a kid.

Think of everybody who does have a family. Think of me, who can’t hug her own father without feeling dirty. Who cannot be a whole day with her sister without crying a little. Who can’t stand the faking smile my mom have to do for the world out there.

I just hope it can make a lot of situations really easy.

When we had to return to the hotel. My cousin was saying that he wanted a friend who would invite him to a hotel free. My uncle respond something stupid I didn't quite catch. My respond would have go like this “Or just look for a friend with a selfish dickface as a father.” But I would just have got an awkward silence and my mom yelling “LAURA ZAHIRA!.”.

And there’s more details but I don’t want to go there again.

Strike three, and I’m out; My mom, uncle and cousin went to the not-so-secret bar of the other night.

Till they leave.

Just like that.

Letting my mom and I once again walking alone to our room.

And you know the rest…

I had to read “Lock&Key” by Sarah Dessen to keep my mind right.

Anyways.

I thought I was going to spend the night with my air conditioner watching SNL.

As I thought this hotel would have make worth all the bored nights excited about this. But it just officially ruined my ’09 summer.

This time, whatsoever , I have no hope for a change.

p.s; fun fact: I wrote this first than the first day.
p.p.s; Playlist thanked to: oldies of JLo

"I am aware, I've been misled; I disconnect my heart, my head. Don't wanna recognize when things go bad."

Day One; I wasn’t expecting this sudden change.

This is the best weekend of my summer and it already started bad.

My sister started hitting me out of the blue and pinched me on the hand letting a blue spot show. My father being witness of this, tried to blamed it on me and said he will hit me the next time.

(Oh and Momo (friend of sis) came with us instead of dad.)
Later on, after being ready. My mom got a call.

My mom’s grandmother died.

Of course she didn’t spend that much of a time with her when she was little and she didn’t know her.

But still, that’s the mother of her mother.

She told us there were possibilities of canceling the trip. I was going to rip of all my hair of frustration.

So I went outside to light up my mind with Maru.

Maru is bleeding from her left cheek. And I can’t trust on the senses of my father and leave her like that.

But I cannot go back like my mom wanted to. So we left.

All perfect, we had some chips, we told some jokes, we listen to music.

But.

My sister started calling me fat. She started yelling “You’re so fat” and moving around like she didn’t have space because of me. I hit her (not so hard, and I mean it. It wasn’t.) and she took her fucking elbow and stabbed me on my leg over and over again.

My vision started getting blurry with the tears so I took my glasses and put them on to make the impressing of a hard though girl. I tried to wipe away the tears with the back of my hand, but the blue spot that she had pinched that morning still hurted. So I let Phillip fill my ears with calming voices. And Momo to comfort me in her arms.

At the time we got to the hotel it just got worst. And I’m going to make it short.

Dirty used room, we found a cap.

My stupid sister hit me on the thigh letting another blue spot.

I found a hot skater boy who is my new lover officially….

Wait that’s not bad.

The dinner was horrible.

The fucking air conditioner didn’t work.

Due all of that, my mom went to the lobby to report(scream) all this.

There were 4 other families complaining about the same.

And while my mom yelled with other people I was trying to flirt with this guy that kept bumping his shoulder with mine.

Okay correcting, he did. But I just shoot him a glare of “You touch me one more time motherfucker and you are going down.”.

So he left.

But damn he was hot… Sorry Skater Boy.

After not gaining anything. My mom and I found a secret bar on the hotel where the bartender was really cool, and made jokes about all these gringos without they knowing.

He made my mom smile so cookies to him :).

Mom and I sat outside with all the breeze coming and it was really cool.
But we had to come back.

Eventually the air conditioner started working and we all fall sleep.
I’m really hoping tomorrow will get better. MY mom said she wanted to leave tomorrow but I don’t.

I really think there can be a change.

p.s; playlist: Jack’s Mannequin.

"You can walk away and say we don't need this, but there's something in your eyes says we can beat this;'Cause these things will change. Can you feel it now?."

My last words will be my last song

Have you ever been jealous of somebody?.

I hate to admit this. But sometimes I'm jealous of my big sister.

She is the kind of person that have this sign on her forehead that says "Fuck you I don't like you.". The girl who doesn't have that many friends. The girl that is not capable of being sociable.

And I know what you may think by now. Why would I be jealous of some one like her?.

Well, that girl has everything. I can't.

She can do anything. She can draw, she is creative. My mom used to put us in camps when we were kids and she was always good at everything the teacher put us to do.

She is beautiful on the outside, she can dye her hair blonde and she looks gorgeous. Me on the other side not so good. She can dye it red and everybody says how good she looks. I dye my hair in a crazy way and people talk behind my back saying how bad it looks.

She can leave her hair natural curly or straight. I look awkward with curly hair.

Her clothes are prettier. And she doesn't even care.

Everybody always remembers her name which I think it's idiotic 'cause Laura is simple and not too hard to remember.

My sister is basically a bitch, and everything I've always wanted to be.

I know I'm pathetic/childish and if she ever reads this I'm dead. But I know someway you'll understand.

Just so you know I love my sister and I would never hate her for this. I know this is a stupid feeling and I won't blame her. I do love her a lot :). Even if sometimes it's hard to live in the shadow of somebody else.


SOO. back to what's new today. I'm going to a hotel this weekend :), but don't worry I already selected the WI FI section where I will be posting everything from there by days. It will be 3 days:), and I hope it will work out.

Bad news?, daddy decided that he isn't going 'cause he have to work.

I have no problem with this but. The man is in his vacations right now.

I will have my bedroom locked in case he tries to do some nasty shit on my house with anyone while we are not here.

annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd.... I think that's it :).

p.s; I'm getting a new puppy next week I'll put some pictures of him.

p.p.s; I have a new lover, Andrew McMahon. Google him if your stupid little head don't know who he is.

p.p.p.s; I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS WEEKEND. I'm so excited I need to get out of here :).

p.p.p.p.s; Tomorrow I'll be busy shaving and washing my hair T.T so don't expect any news from me.

p.p.p.p.p.s; I still apologize for the post from the other day.


"I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think there must be something wrong with me; Out of all the hours thinking... Somehow I've lost my mind."

The girl behind the smile

What's up readers?.

That's a lame entry :p, it's not my style xd anyways.

this one post I'll make it short 'cause it's just to let you know that I've been experimenting a little with the blog options..

COOKIES TO THE ONES THAT NOTICED THE CHANGES :D.

so well.. i was thinking. to the ones who want to be updated directly to your hotmail (meaning it will send you a message letting you know when I update) send me a messages or tell me if you want to be subscribed. i need a list of the mails to put it up :P.

and also i changed my comments thing and you can comment without being a member here. just if you wanted it to xd. so now you dont have excuses... i mean it's not like im going to stop writing because i have no comments. i tend to deal very well with that.

and well thats it sorry for the spelling again. IM on a hurry i will come back though maybe tonight maybe tomorrow. there has been a lot of things going around my life lately. so i should apologize for all this non senses updates

p.s; just os you know. I havent sleep in 2 days. literally. so if i have an urgent break down. dont be to surprised.

p.p.s; oh yeah my p.s; are back :D. didnt thought it will last for too long?.

p.p.p.s; sorry for the other post; it was a crying shame.

"We're all part of the same sick little games; And I need a get-away."

I'm begging for a little mercy; Please?.

I know you are all busy in your whole world right now.

But mine is tumbling down piece by piece.

I'm finding myself needing the vending out right now. And all my friends are so happy, that I can't be that selfish and messed them up with my problems.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm not worth enough. I feel stupid, and I see them smiling and I know they don't need me.

They keep asking me to change. But I don't want to change, it's too hard. And God knows I've tried too hard. Every time I look around, I'm alone. I can see all of you, and still... I'm alone.

I don't know where I'm supposed to go. But I need you right now. How can I believe in happiness when I don't remember how it feels.

I want to feel normal for the first time in my life, I want to be somebody else. You know how much that sucks to me?. I've always tell that to my friends. BE YOURSELF. DON'T CHANGE FOR ANYBODY. And ironic... Here I am hating the smile I see every morning in the mirror. I can't even lie to myself.

I know the way back home like the back of my hand. But I just don't want to go there again.

I can't feel the tears anymore. It's like my eyes are numb.

I rather die in a hole.

Don't even bother. I will fake a smile. I will throw all up, you will say you are proud. And we'll pretend that everything is okay.

I'll walk away if that's what all of you need. But please. I need somebody to tell me that everything is going to be okay. I need somebody to hold my hand and say that everything is going to be fine.

But daydreams are not enough anymore. I can't keep up like this.

p.s; I'm sorry for all the darkness and bipolarness. I just need this.

"I could go back to every laugh;...But I don’t want to go there anymore."

Nobody wants to talk about it

Let me just start, saying that this is my first moving-post.

Why?.

Because I'm sleeping over my cousin's house. :) SHOUT OUT TO HER.

Anyways :), after thinking a lot on the subject we are going to talk about today, I figured out that the people usually react in different ways with it, so I'm not that sure of how will your faces be after this. I'm hoping that in this only one, you will end up thinking like me.

The thing is, that a long time ago. I told my friends I was bi-sexual. Meaning, I like both sexs. My best friend girl didn't believed me and brushed it off. My best friend boy didn't give a fuck in the way that our friendship wasn't going to get affected.

But. My other friends in the other side. Freaked out. Like seriously, they didn't even speak to me again. Or the were treating me differently.

First of all I was shocked. So I decided to tell them the truth.

I'm not bisexual :D.

But now I'm mad. They even took a "thank Goodness" kinda breath. What if I'm gay?, does that changes my personality?, or the years we spend being friends?.

And I know there are a lot of places were people are getting rejected just because they like their same sex.

I have gay friends. And that never changed our friendship, instead it make us stronger. And I feel more comfortable with them than before.

So if you know somebody that is gay. Don't let that happen to you. Don't judge.

Or if you are gay. Don't be afraid of telling your friends. IF they are for real, they'll understand. It's not like you will change suddenly, you were all along the same person you were when you started being friends with them.

Now. Let me explain me being bisexual. I'm not. Even if I have like 1654375 girl lovers. It's just that if I ever get feelings for another girl. I won't make a whole deal about it. I know there's a chance. And I wouldn't thinking it twice before going all the way with Taylor Swift, she can have me whenever she wants. But still. I know my feelings, sometimes, and I'm pretty sure about this one.

So just to clarify, I'm straight liking boys A LOT xd.

I'm just saying. Don't be such a douche bags.

I know it's kinda weird but I needed to make a whole post just about this. I had to.

And nope that's not all.

Yesterday me and my cousins spend the night playing Nintendo Wii (Mario Party 7). And the computer was Toadette. But the motherfucker was stealing my coins and stars. So I named her Perronsky, 'cause I couldn't just scream PERRA. The funny fact is that later we put Mario Party 8. And Toadette was against me too.

I think I covered everything for today.... Yeah that will make it :).

p.s; THANKS for the ones promoting my blog, I found a couple of updates in twitter and facebook. You guys just plain rock too much :D.

p.p.s; I'm going with my sister to her college AGAIN. Stay tune for whatever happens there :P.

p.p.p.s; OH WAIT. I'm so stupid of course there's something left:P. I watched Obsessed with my sister just waiting for the fight between Beyonce and the horny blonde. Let me tell you something. Beyonce is my fucking hero she can beat that white ass in boots with heals. It's seriously the best sex scene EVER.... ehh... I mean fight.

p.p.p.p.s; I have to stop putting so many p.s's. I promise I will remember everything for the next post.

"I strip down my dignity; They can take all of me, but they won't ever take what I still believe."

It will never be overrated to try to be a kid again

One of my best friends are twins right?, so their mother has a day-care, and today I went over to help them take care of the kids. I had fun because the kids didn't know english and when my friends got mad they insulted them in english xd it was funny :P.

I couldn't pick my favorite one 'cause I kept changing them.

Don't worry though, I found a way to describe every kid and my experience with them. The thing is that they happen to form a little high school. Don't understand?. Here it goes.

The Jock;(Ivan) He is this cute little boy who the other kids call to play with them, he is boyfriend of one of the girls (Camila), when we gave an order and the other kids didn't pay attention he told everyone to listen. I discovered that the kid poops A LOT. Like seriously he pooped his pants every 5 minutes. And he didn't say anything just "I like lions. You are a lion and I'm the tiger" and "I'm the princess" xd. Poor kid:p I hope he remembers that when he grows old.

Plastic Girl; (Camila) As I said she is girlfriend of Ivan. She's this clingy bipolar girl who doesn't gives a fuck about Ivan, but when a girl is close to him she starts caring. And well that's pretty much it:).

Plastic Girl's Best Friend; (Chantal) She is BFF of Camila and is a freaking copy cater, like you say "Camila say Hi" the girl will say hi too. Once I carried her and she didn't wanted to get of my lap, and if I walked to the house she would be right on my tale walking beside me.

The Bullie; (Manuel) I think he is deaf, 'cause he didn't heard when you talked to him and it started to get annoying with the time. He laughed at everything and every time the twins grounded somebody they called it "Thinking" so let's just say Manuel has to be a fucking Buddha with all the time he had to think. OH and I think he has a crush on Camila.

The Bullie's Best Friend; (Nicolas) He is just this weird kid who is trying to get your attention, I mean he was nice and all, and we only had to put him in "Thinking"once. But the kid couldn't fight his own battle alone. He was always calling us and telling us how somebody punched him or something.

The class president; (Dammit I can't remember her name) The thing is she was this girl who was always trying to talk with Camila and always talked with everybody and all.

The hot outcast; (Diego) I think he was the youngest. But all he did was sit on the rocks looking around. And if you look closely everybody was around him. Like he was the coolest of all.

And well the other kids were babys:).

What I learned?; I miss being a little kid. No broken heart, you don't have to be good enough for anybody, if you have a fight with your friends you don't even have to say sorry, you just need some rocks and imagination to have fun, every time you feel like doing something you do it without thinking in the consequences and at the end of the day. You will always have your parents to come pick you up and give you a big hug.

Shorter? I want to go back to my good old days and be happy again.

BUT.

You didn't think my day went perfectly fine right?.

Right!.

My dad came to pick me up and said he had to take some things to his work. When we were there he left me in the car and took the keys, I watch him carry the things and then he started talking to two women, while I was in the car sweating.

So I decided to beep the horn and it didn't even pass 5 seconds before they looked at me and then went back to their conversation. I beeped it again and they didn't even bother.

Oh and God knows I wasn't done. I opened the door and then slammed it really hard. But just one of the women turned around and looked at me like "wtf is wrong with this kid?". So I took Phillip leaved the car open and went for a walk. Till 10 minutes later my dad was calling me on the phone saying he was going to pick me up.

I don't know why you still think I hate you because of my mom. Guess what? She isn't the only one doing something wrong here.

Wanted my honest answer? I think that the only good thing you have done with your life is putting out your sperm into my mom.

p.s; Some pictures I took only for you to see how it was like :);


(That's Ivan, he got to be my last favorite)


(This baby has the cutest laugh ever)


(all the kids and their idea of fun... with rocks. And my friend trying to put some order).

"If I could just find the time, then I would never let another day go by; I'm over, getting old."

Fill in the blank: I am __________ ?

Usually in every show there's always a character who is always asking himself.

Who am I?.

And you know what. Now that I have the time to mediate that... I don't know who I am. I mean if someone ask you who you are what would you say?.

My name? nope, it's not enough.
My profession? uh-uh, that's what I do, not who I am.
My dreams? that's what I want to become isn't it?.
My friends?
My possessions?
My economic position?
My hobby?
My obsessions?
My family?

None of those seemed to fit in what I am. And you know what? I think that I don't wanna know who I am, as odd as that may sound. But I have a life time still to look for it right?. I won't rush things over.

Isn't that the point in life?. Living it?.

I know this subject is kinda lame but it has been creeping in my mind today. And I don't want to ruin it or think it too much.

Enough with life.

Today was raining and I love the smell of it, like when is about to begin. Or the sound of the raindrops crashing down, it's like a melody that you can't hear if you don't pay attention.

Then I put on Phillip and Only Hope by Switchfoot came on. And they just made it better.

Wanna know something sad?.

After my last poem I haven't been able to write again. I can't finish them, and they are bad. Just simply bad.

But to brush that of, I wanted to tell you that I didn't know people were actually reading my blog :), it's flattering, and well it's awesome. I'm glad somebody cares about the things I write late at night when I can't sleep. ( I did not wrote this late at night actually it's 3;00pm but I wanted to throw you some Tay-Swift quotes).

p.s; This is one of the poems I couldn't finish. I call them Death Notes.
"I read your messages
all over again,
the words on ink
remind the feeling of your breath on my ear.

I will look outside my window
and I'm not so sure what makes my vision a blur,
but my tears are getting lost on the rain.
I don't want to miss you no more.

I've got enough time to think about us,
and if I had to go back in time.
I wouldn't change meeting you.
The late at night calls,
nor your fingertips on my face.

It's not just a kiss
its how you made me feel ..."

p.p.s; I bought 4 different packs of COOKIES, and pack #4 is the winner (though the one with raisins and chocolate chips was delicious).

p.p.p.s; All this time I've been writing p.s bad. I feel so dumb right now. Tough I'm not changing it from the other posts.

p.p.p.p.s; I want my first kiss to be in the rain.

"Dressed up as myself; To live in the shadow, of who I'm supposed to be."

Don't stay quite

Drum roll please.

NEW POEMM
:D
YAY
finnallyyyy hahahhahahaahaha im so happy :P i feel like i can go to sleep with a smile on my face again.
I tried new things with this one, is a description of what i feel like when im frustrated.
dont know tell me what you think about it.

http://iheartlg.deviantart.com/art/Trying-to-find-myself-131154418

oh and sorry for not caring about my spelling but im kinda on a hurry so work with me:)
LOVE YOU.

"Telling lies just to feel happy;But I won't retaliate."

You say selfish; I say staying myself.

I think that summer '09 has teach me some things.

Okay maybe just one.

But I've had a lot time to reevaluate my friendship with some of my pals. And well I feel used and everything they do annoys me to death. And as I like to say "Move on before they notice". I'm going to start listening to my own advices.

Anyways I think I'm still not ready to make a final decision about this, I'll see how all goes with them. But I've got the feeling that they agree with me. Just that they don't know that yet.

What I mean is that I'm not sure what I'm feeling. I don't want to lose their friendship, but I have this weird idea that they don't want anything to do with me either. So I'm going to think about it. And see if it changes.

AND. This sunday was the father's day in my country and let me tell you how it go.

In the morning we gave my dad his presents blah blah, then in the afternoon he leaved. I don't know where and don't care, but I didn't saw him again till that night. My mom was going to take him out with us to dinner. But we decided to get some McDonals.

But the good news?. This weekend there was a Sponge Bob special, and while watching it with my mom and sister. My mom suddenly ask. "So... Does Sponge Bob lives on the sea?" . Me and my sister literally ROFL.

And today while remembering the facts occurred yesterday she said. "No seriously, where does the sponge lives?".

XD.

p.s; Look at this photo it ROCKS so much I want to take one similar :).
(btw Ashley Rose is my favorite photograph.)



(It's not her best one but this means a lot to me.)

p.s.s; DAMMIT I forgot to put the quote >.< sorry, here it goes

"I can be so mean when I wanna be. I am capable of really anything. I can cut you into pieces;...But my heart is broken"

Bad moments don't last more than the good ones; Memory is playing games with you

I've always believe that divorced kids are more intelligent than the other ones.

But that won't work out for me 'cause I'm already grown up and all. I know my parents separate a long time ago, but when you are a little kid everything is beautiful and full of love, they have to rub it in your own face to get to the facts.

Anyways, it won't be a new subject for anybody that my parents are about to divorce, I have NO problem with this, 'cause my relationship with my father isn't the same as when I was his "little girl". And I don't miss him anymore when he is gone.

I think that when they actually get the divorce I will be spending more time with him than what we do now, 'cause the man is just simply not around much. And that's something just me and my sister are capable of notice.

Have you ever feel like nobody understands you?, like seriously and it gets to the point when you don't want them to. It's the first time I don't want to talk about my current situation. And I hope it won't happen again. I don't want to be the "weak one" anymore.

You don't know how much it means to me to have somebody to talk to, but right now, I want to keep it to myself.

My life has been lately about losing somebody important. But it's like the ones that are involved on it aren't worrying at all, or are just dealing with it in the wrong way. Let me just tell you this. I'm a -reading between the lines- girl. If you don't, you will just make a lot of mistakes.

I'm starting to feel paranoid, and I don't want to trust in anyone. Like suddenly they will all turn their backs on me in the worst moment.

"The writers weren't kidding about how all good things must end; Then again somethings are far too good, to go when you let go."

Why does Freedom only last for about 3 minutes?

Long Time I didn't update huh?
well I wish I could say it was inspiration, but this time I can't use it as an excuse. 'Cause it's just that I'm so tired this days, like I just have this feeling of doing something but I can't... 'Cause I'm tired.

I even had an idea for an awesome poem, but I just didn't feel like writing; What if that was my most famous hit?.

Well whatever... Hey have you ever walk trough the beach with your i-pod or mp3?, if you haven't I recommend Taylor Swift. I did it a long time ago but I will never forget the feeling of freedom and power over myself.

OR

Have you ever put your i-pod on the car?, Well I can't 'cause I don't have one and I don't know how to drive :P, but once my mom left me in her car while she buy some things. I put Phillip, and let me tell you "Fearless"will make your life, you just get this goofy smile on your face after singing like a crazy person :)... In a car.

Letting the freedom subject aside. Yesterday I remembered that my first album was "Black and Blue" by Backstreet Boys, but the thing is that I was like 8 or 7 and I didn't know english, so I just remember BSB on the cover xd, and after downloading all the songs from their album called, "Backstreet Boys", and not remembering anything, This little image of a black and blue cd strike me. And so I remember everything:P.

And let me tell you something, the boy who sings to me in a piano "How I fall in love with you" Has my heart.

P.S; Update from my daydreams: still ON

P.S.S; Guys can you do me a favor please? it takes less than 30 seconds I promise, go to the link bellow this and sign. Is a really important cause and they don't have many signatures. So please, do it for the animals not for me:S, or don't do it for the animals just sign. LESS THAN 30 SECONDS. I'll give cookies to the ones signing this.


http://www.animalsmatter.org/

"Together we'll move on, just don't turn around; Let the walls break down."

Would you rather?.

My mom has being waking me up like at 7am to go to the gym with her-.-.

But that's not the point. The thing is I FINALLY HAD A DREAM... It was a nightmare, but whatever:), it was a dream.

---
Dream;
My aunt was having her birthday party on a cruise, so we all went. And the Jonas Brothers were playing, but they weren't famous, and I didn't speak to them in the whole dream xd, aheem, as I was saying... Suddenly there's something green in the windows and a giant octopus tries to kill us, so I ran out of the cruise to a near island with my family... But my mom stays in the cruise. So I was crying and trembling. But then my mom comes running to the island with us (If you were wondering, the Jonas died... I think 'cause they weren't in the island xd), and then we find like a house with without walls and you could see the sea, and the giant octopus was coming to kill us, it was just a matter of seconds and we started hugging and crying, and I didn't wanted my mom to be killed, like seriously I was just worried about her, so I woke up.
---

So after I woke up I went to the living room with my mom and told her about my dream. But she interrupted me and start saying things like I had to stop eating and all those shits, and then my father joined the conversation, and at the end it all finished with them insulting me.

And seriously I don't know you guys. But at that point I began to question myself where I rather be..

In the nightmare or in real life?.


"Why you wear sunglasses in the home, when the sun went down about an hour ago?;... Life should not be that way."

I don't know how to get out of this.

Don't you hate when your parents make you feel like you aren't enough.

And the problem is that if you tell them how you feel they will deny that that was their intention. And that you should feel bad, but can't they realize that you are burning in hell because of the guilt of the initial problem and them blaming you.

Lately my dad and mom had make me feel like shit, like they were saving all the bad things that I've been doing till now. Even things that I did years ago.

Sure I can handle a couple of "Don't do it again". But you know you aren't sleeping at night when they say "I refused to believe my girl could have done something like that"... Or your father call you fucking stupid with indirects.

AND they choose bad times 'cause it's not like I'm pooping flowers. I'm having a bad time with some friends.

But whatever I'll try to get my mind of the subject with music or something.

Yesterday I tried to get out of the world and put an update on twitter saying something like sorry but today I'm taking it for myself for the first time. And of course I thought everybody will get it, but I received like 3 replys saying "I NEED YOU", just making me feel worse for not being there with my friends. I'm sorry, I'm truly am.

OH OH.. AND one tiny update about Nicholas; the moving on thingy is working:), I deleted all his messages already and took him out of my Favorites list :).

Anyways, I'm still stuck in the night without dreams, now seriously I don't know how to get out of it. But my daydreams are awesome, though I have this feeling that the inspiration will end pretty soon.

"They'll fall asleep without you...;You're lucky if your memory remains."

My imaginary boyfriend who is VERY REAL.

So this is a funny history :).

Two of my best friends are a couple now, so one day as a joke I said my future boyfriend Jacob , would be so much better.

The thing is I liked the joke.

I made up a whole character and I can't stop thinking about him.

The story of me and Jacob is that he will be in my school next year, and I will meet him there. But he lives like 2 houses away from mine, and he has a twin sister so I can use as an excuse to visit him so my mom will let me go.

We will be those kind of couples that are sick lovely and all that shit.

My friends mock me because of him :P, but wouldn't it be cool if there were actually a Jacob?.

And whatever the thing is I got to the point that I believe the story myself. It's pathetic I know... But I like it :).

I think I will be crushed when I get to school and don't find any Jacob...

"If I could just walk away without you from day to day, I would die just thinking of you."

There's no looking foward to go to sleep if I'm not dreaming.

DUDES;
seriously go to this page

http://www.amazines.com/Quotes/article_detail.cfm/865141?articleid=865141

It tells you how to move on and all those shits. It's really beautiful and it actually works out. So if you can't forget somebody, follow those rules....

Anyways back to work, yesterday my friends came by my house and brought cookies (I KNOOW COOKIES :D) and we watched movies, it was really fun and I missed them so much.

P.S; Isn't it funny when you caught one of the best people on lying on the act?. But you never say anything about it :P. Whatever I think it's funny. (and yes my p.s aren't in the end SO WHAT FUCKER?.)

OH and you know what? I'm not dreaming... NO tach that I can't , like literally and in the way I don't have a reason to close my eyes at night and expect something good to happen. It's such a weird feeling 'cause I'm a dreamer and I can't change it, it's like I have to wait for somebody to help me.

But I daydream... A LOT. Seriously it's stupid but I feel better when I think about it :).

........

And to finish this post I wanted to let you guys know that today is going to be the last day I will be seeing Nicholas... This is the point where I'm going to have to forget him. And surprisingly I'm quite okay with it. I mean I think I was prepared

So next week I'm going to erase him from everywhere and delete his pictures. It's fair deal :).

So goodbye to my summer crush. See you next summer?.


"I was waiting to be struck by lightning, waiting for somebody exciting...;Like you."

I took a walk

I'll make this quick:).
I updated my deviant so here is the newest poems I've write.

http://iheartlg.deviantart.com/art/I-don-t-want-to-beg-but-129659429

http://iheartlg.deviantart.com/art/Dream-about-129658422

Please tell me what you think, there or here :).

p.s; a party song by all time low ROCKS.

"I'll make you come just to watch you leave;You walk around with my heart on your sleeve."

Rip your heart out of your rib cage & give it to someone else.

A lot of girls are always afraid of telling the person they like what they feel.

And that's perfectly normal... But you should be brave, I mean if you think there's at least a 50% of probability my advice would be to jump head first in the act :).

Sure it's more romantic when he is the one who makes the first move. But you never know what's going on in those heads. So if you know how this feels. Do it :).

And a little update of my day. I spend it thinking about how I want my future boyfriend to be. And if you analyze the case. You always end up liking the guy who isn't your type... AT ALL.

You find the one who loves you and that will make it enough.

Sure sometimes you do end up with your "prince charming". But it would be overrated talking about something that you can go watch in a movie.

AHHH and before I forget... Yesterday in the middle of the night. There was a black out in my house, so my dad started the car and I stayed there with the air conditioner and listening to music. Suddenly I feel this 'thud's on the door but I don't see anything on the window, so when I open the door Maru (my dog) wanted me to put her inside. So I lay her on the passenger seat and we started dancing:).
(That was yesterday in the car)

Till "Acompaniame a estar solo" by Ricardo Arjona (YOUTUBE IT NOOW) was on and she fall asleep.

And just if you wanted to know from the sunday I went out with my friends I stole 2 bottles of cokes and hide 'em in my closet. But today I'm putting it in the fridge so anybody can have a little :).

And before I went to sleep yesterday I was thinking about the blog and I will be putting quotes at the end that represent something that is in my mind.

Well that's it for now. PEACE.

"I think he can see through everything;But my heart."