I can't answer you if I don't know myself where I wanna be.

I know it sucks when you try to make a change. To show that you care, and people take it like an insult.

I know I can break anybody apart, I can be the meanest person if I wanted to.

But I don't.

Last night I couldn't sleep at all, and with all the thinking I finally got the answer of why I have a blog, or why it's so easy for me to trust in anybody.

It's because I don't want my story to be just a grave in the mud. My biggest fear is to be, and once forgotten. So I try to stay, in the memory of somebody.

I guess I always knew this was the answer, but just now is when I'm accepting it.

I hate to be like clear glass though, like I can't lie to my friends. They instantly know, and what bothers me about it, is that at the end I won't have something to call my own.

So I kinda don't know where I stand anymore.

I was reading the last post I made, not the one with the poems but the other one. And I think it made a little bit of controversy cause everybody has been on that place before. So for my own good and others I'm gonna end it.

I didn't specify what do we do in case to be the ones confused, the ones that don't know if to say sorry or wait for something. Even when we do want to apologize.

You can say we are the weak ones 'cause we always end up losing. If you fight back, just a little bit, you are just clarifying that you are the bad one. Even when we say sorry it's not enough. Everything you say is going to be used against your own.

It's weird to say it though 'cause that's where I am right now.

I could say you can wait till the water clears and then eventually come back. But of course they are your friends so why should we hold up?. What are we waiting for anyways?. We said sorry already, we insult them already.

Isn't that what they wanted? a fight?.

Of course not. And we know this. We know is wrong, but what to do when we feel totally uncovered. Tell me what to do when I'm on my weakest point?.

They want you to apologize. But you will never meant it, and that's where they are wrong again. We do.

We just don't know why.

My point is... Don't hold up anything, life won't wait for you to be ready.

'Cause that's the thing about friends.

You sure as hell can live without them. Even if the road gets bumpy.

If they feel this way they will come back. If they just forget about you, why should you stay in the same place waiting for that person?.

Don't be a quitter, that's not what I'm trying to say, what I'm trying to say is that if a friendship ends, then you were never friends. Just two people to hang out with, people that you laugh with, people that you trust. Just for a little while.

'Best friends' is kinda like a feeling. You can't stop it.

And well either way you grow up, and you find why you had to gave up so easily on the most important person of your life.

p.s; This all counts with the person you like too.

p.p.s; I would be lying if I said I don't miss my best friend.

p.p.p.s; Good luck to the ones who lost their best friends.

"Goodbye my best friend; This is no kind of living. Goodnight my love; At least I held you on last time."

I missed the smell of the typing letters.

I have many more. But with 3 is enough.

:D. Hope you enjoy, tell me if you like it or if I was better before, or now, or never. :)

Making me up;
http://iheartlg.deviantart.com/art/Making-me-up-138473564

Let's count the pieces;
http://iheartlg.deviantart.com/art/Let-s-count-the-pieces-138473026

I'll sing what I can't say;
http://iheartlg.deviantart.com/art/I-ll-sing-what-I-can-t-say-138472256

p.s; about the 5 month-a-nniversary... I don't have any idea of what I'm going to do. So if you want to collaborate, all the opinions will be heard :D.

p.p.s; new paramore album ROCKS, still I don't think it's their best work yet.

"The angles were all wrong; Now she's ripping wings off of butterflies, with her feet on the ground."

I know you are hearing, but do you even try to listen?.

Let's face it.

Sometimes we claim for something.

Sometimes we fight with our friends 'cause we interpret things in ways that can offend us.

And when they explain to you what was happening. When they tell you that you were wrong.

You are so pissed off that you stay mad. For no valid reason. Just because you know you are stupid enough to make a whole deal about nothing, when it was the other way around.

I've been on both sides. I've been mad for no reason and slapped my face mentally for being that stupid. But tried to convince myself that I'm always right.

And now I'm paying for all those times I did that and come clean.

My best friend is mad at me and even when she knows she is not right. She tries to find other reasons to still be mad.

This is not just for her. This is for everybody who has been in the stupid side.

Your pride will never be more important than your real friends. You don't even have to apologize. Just don't get mad. It gets old. And it's not good for you.

Not only because of that.

I've been on the edge of losing my best friends because I choose myself over the ones who made my life.

If you are mad. It's all up to you, 'cause at the end you are the only one frowning while everybody moved on like an old topic.

Anyways, this is when I act like a spoiled child and call myself a writer.

The other day one of my friends ( Nicole ) was telling me about a girl that she dislike that had a blog and that in her school she was very popular and well people said they liked what she wrote.

I don't judge, so I read it and well it sucked. The girl is basing her life in quotes and getting them together in a post, pretending it's hers. That's plain fake.

But that's another point. What I'm trying to say is. Don't use pretty quotes as your life rules. Yes they might be right in some moments but they are made of people who try to be right. And at the end of the day they all say the opposite. Example;

"Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about."

vs.

"If it keeps hurting you. Move on, doesn't matter how hard it is to forget the person that is always on your mind."

(found them in the same place thanks to: Bumper Stickers)

Get my point?. I know it's a sloppy example but I'm lazy.

I know I'm all songs and their lyrics and how they teach you in life. But songs like moments are just to reminisce.

And after all I prefer to be the one writing than repeating.

p.s; Do you notice the change?, I'm writing a lot. That means writer's block is coming up. Though I'm prepared this time.

p.p.s; I know it's too soon but in novemeber is LGwalksaway 5 month-a-niversary so I got surprises for you on that day.

p.p.p.s; I was tented on giving out the link for the blog I was talking about, but that's rude, so no. I don't know the girl and I have no interest on it whatsoever now.

"I'm hoping you'll understand and not let go of my hand."

Better late than never... Right?

Maybe I'm late but always right :).

Promised you 2 posts for today. And well I'm doing some old errands that should have done a long time ago.

Welcome back to hell my friends.


I could still go back.


It's too late by now though


Who would say... Hell is blue!.


Guess which one is mine:D?.


I was so happy... fuckers-.-


5kilometers for the beach.


damn. that's hot


The only thing I ate.


THIS, is sexiness.


Do you see all the smiles? please don't count my sister.


In the train :D.


I look underage :).


in my room. fixing the air. FML.


Please moon don't forget to fall down.


She is the only one who will ever understand my pain.


cute.


fucking creepy in the night


My lucky number?.


Is it ice cream? NO, is it puddin? NO, then what?. Just a pink thing.


<3.


Remember the bar?.


p.s; I hope we can make this again xd like a lot of pictures :P it was cool but tiring.

p.p.s; there's more things that I wanted to say but I must say I have to make you wait till tomorrow xd. im busy sorry:(.

"I'm a dizzy mess, and everything is so above me from the floor of any life I lead today."

Should I be scared of dreaming?. Or of my expectations?.

I have always been a B girl. Not just in grades.

I was born being the second one. You know the girl who is always the second finalist in every competition but never wins?. Or the one who can do everything good but not perfect?. Or just the not-excellent-but-worth-the-try type.

It may sound sad or pathetic. But I like it. I'm used to it by now. It's like my expectations are already set in a place. If I fall it won't hurt that bad.

Why say this now?.

'Cause lately I've been repeating this phrase the whole week. And still I can't seem to put me up in that place. It's stupid I know. But why do I think I'm capable of believe in it?.

'Cause I've seen people win, even if I know I won't.

Somebody else has got to have that job.

Anyways. It's kinda a last topic but...

THE JONAS BROTHERS ARE COMING.

xd sorry for the teenie-ness. But it had to come out eventually.

Random much, I had to insert that there so my blog wouldn't look such a 'cry me a river' thing.

My grandpa's best friend died this sunday, and yesterday they were getting together to pray for his soul. I went because my mom was taking us to dinner after that. Such an egocentric action I know. But karma is a bitch, a sweet intelligent bitch.

And when we got there it was like a dejavu, people crying, with somebody by their side trying to comfort them or just stopping by to say hi (yes they do that).

You don't want to talk to anybody when your father, your best friend, your uncle, your husband, your whatever dies. You just wanna cry or think about it. ALONE.

So I didn't say hello or anything, just look around oddly.

Though my mom made me say hi to the wife. And when I hugged her, we literally spend 5 minutes there, holding into each others arms. And I think that's what she needed. Not an "I'm so sorry". Just a hug. Just the necessity of knowing that somebody was understanding you.

Or perhaps that's what I wanted.

Well, that's it for now, not today:).

p.s; Sorry for being such a bitch and not updating faster, my inspiration doesn't quite like me anymore.

p.p.s; The phrase I've been saying this week is. "Don't lose your hope."

p.p.p.s; Row: D, sit; 1&2... Wish me luck?.

p.p.p.p.s;


"In no time there'll be one less sad robot looking for a chance to be something more than just metal."

What the fuck is wrong with the world?.

I've been holding all the pieces of my world. But I only have two hands. And I can now hear all the tickling they made in the floor.

It's either crying on random moments that you can barely hold. Or just closing your eyes to imaging you are somewhere else.

I've been feeling alone in a room with 45 people for the past month.

I've loss the trust in some of my best friends that now I can only call friends.

I get the feeling again of something is missing.

But what I've been learning while during this experience?.

That I'm not alone. I'm just not looking in the right place.

That somehow, it will all get better.

Maybe you'll need to take baby steps, maybe you don't even have to stand up.

Nope, I'm still not happy, and things are not getting done like I want them to. You may say I'm stupid for saying all that.

But it's called hope you dumbass. And I think we all should have it. If you think you are losing it, talk to a friend. It is worth it. Take the risk. Or just talk to me. I will listen.

Anyways. During my thinking time. I've grow hard with a new hero.

She has been keeping my mind right. Sarah Dessen<3. Thank you. Your books are just plain awesome.

Still... I think I need a flush of all this, and not even writing is making the whole deal. I want to find new friends:).

And, I feel like my relationship with God is improving. I started to push him away from me, but now I'm back again following his steps. I'm sorry I once turn my head the other way.

And before I close. I want to make a public apology; Sorry for taking our friendship too seriously when it was barely nothing. Sorry for insulting you if I didn't have a reason why. Sorry for proving you that yes. I am childish. Just sorry.

p.s; FAJITA IS HERE. tomorrow pictures of her and the hell of a hotel.

p.p.s; Shane Dawson takes credit of being my half hero too.

p.p.p.s; I have new readers<3. I'm sorry for being a baby about it xd.

p.p.p.p.s; I haven't sleep in 2 days. And yes indeed it sucks.

p.p.p.p.p.s; I need somebody.

"Goodbye, my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you. Can't you just let me be?."

Oh!, how the tables have turned.

This morning. I was prepared to beg. I was ready to ask for forgiveness, even if my hands haven't move.

I was writing a letter to a friend, 'cause I made a mistake, I screwed up big time. And I know this is the killing line. But I hate the word 'sorry' when is coming out of my mouth. It's hard for me, not 'cause I can't feel it. But because I feel awkward saying it.

And after I was done, I was going to post it here.

But then all starts to makes sense. People making a whole idea of me, with words that aren't coming out of my mouth. I felt so vulnerable right there, in that moment. I can see how I can't even trust my friends.

That I should back up like I used to do.

Is that what you want me to do?. Or am I making a whole deal again?.

I'm still strong with the sorry pasted on my heart, while my forehead says everything I've done wrong.

It's too much for me to take right now. I can't get myself involved again in the losing a friend resolution.

So I will back up, and pretend we never met.

Just like you do.

'Cause I'm not free, I have to be chained up at somebody. Even if it hurts to see how my best friend is another person in the world.

How the original post started?

"I'm sorry is not even enough, I don't deserve you, and I know I'm stupid."

When did all of you planned on turning your backs on me?.


"Remorse is hard to fake, when you only feel sorry for yourself."