Should I be scared of dreaming?. Or of my expectations?.

I have always been a B girl. Not just in grades.

I was born being the second one. You know the girl who is always the second finalist in every competition but never wins?. Or the one who can do everything good but not perfect?. Or just the not-excellent-but-worth-the-try type.

It may sound sad or pathetic. But I like it. I'm used to it by now. It's like my expectations are already set in a place. If I fall it won't hurt that bad.

Why say this now?.

'Cause lately I've been repeating this phrase the whole week. And still I can't seem to put me up in that place. It's stupid I know. But why do I think I'm capable of believe in it?.

'Cause I've seen people win, even if I know I won't.

Somebody else has got to have that job.

Anyways. It's kinda a last topic but...

THE JONAS BROTHERS ARE COMING.

xd sorry for the teenie-ness. But it had to come out eventually.

Random much, I had to insert that there so my blog wouldn't look such a 'cry me a river' thing.

My grandpa's best friend died this sunday, and yesterday they were getting together to pray for his soul. I went because my mom was taking us to dinner after that. Such an egocentric action I know. But karma is a bitch, a sweet intelligent bitch.

And when we got there it was like a dejavu, people crying, with somebody by their side trying to comfort them or just stopping by to say hi (yes they do that).

You don't want to talk to anybody when your father, your best friend, your uncle, your husband, your whatever dies. You just wanna cry or think about it. ALONE.

So I didn't say hello or anything, just look around oddly.

Though my mom made me say hi to the wife. And when I hugged her, we literally spend 5 minutes there, holding into each others arms. And I think that's what she needed. Not an "I'm so sorry". Just a hug. Just the necessity of knowing that somebody was understanding you.

Or perhaps that's what I wanted.

Well, that's it for now, not today:).

p.s; Sorry for being such a bitch and not updating faster, my inspiration doesn't quite like me anymore.

p.p.s; The phrase I've been saying this week is. "Don't lose your hope."

p.p.p.s; Row: D, sit; 1&2... Wish me luck?.

p.p.p.p.s;


"In no time there'll be one less sad robot looking for a chance to be something more than just metal."