You can start to feel sorry for me; It can't be worse than doing it myself.

This is the second moving post I do.

But my ubication is secret. Though I will say it some other day.

I'm just making an exception this one time 'cause I really needed to vend out.

This is one of the saddest days of my life.

First thing in the morning, I realized I still like the guy I thought I hated.

In school. The guy I mentioned in the other post said that he stopped talking to us because he was just interested in girls.

I wonder what that makes me then...

There's some contest in my school. Like a rally. And I've been supporting the teams since I was in first grade. And I promised to myself that I was going to participate in it someday.

After picking me as one of the persons competing. They took me out. As easy as that. Then everybody was like "aww Laura I'm so sorry.".

So after the bitch slap in the face and the deception. They made me feel pathetic and worthless.

I told my mom that I was going to be part of it. And she told me that it was going to be okay. That I was going to be selected.

FML.

I don't want to cheer a team anymore without participating.

I won't do it.

Then Oscar Wilde told me that what I make is not art. That is just an autobiography. 'Cause I put too much of myself in my poems.

And you know what?. I totally agree with him.

But let me tell you Oscar. You did the same mistake as I. Though mine is worst 'cause I'm still doing it wrong.

I'm sorry if I'm depressing you with my sad life. But my friends are all really happy. I don't want to be on their way.

p.s; I'm sorry
p.p.s; YES. I like someone who will never like me. FINE.
p.p.p.s; Jonas Brothers concert coming. woohoo...
p.p.p.p.s; MY FUCKING WRITING IS SLOPPY-.-.

"But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all."

But I prefer to make the ending the beginning, so we don't have to come back.

I'm going to warn you so you don't find it weird when it happens.

Winter is coming down the way, and when winter comes, my whole mood changes. I spend the whole year practicing fake laughs and holding tears for this exact months.

There are just too many bad memories in the past, and it's a tradition by now to be extremely bipolar in christmas.

Though I probably will write more, I'm not really sure. But we'll see.

I would tell you the story but I don't know myself the beginning.

Talking about story, I was retelling mine on my head and there's one interesting point of my life I have never post. It's something that has been hunting me down since then.

It all started when I was in 6~grade. I met new people there. But we'll focus in just one person. One guy.

He sat next to me in the class and we soon started talking and becoming best friends. Of course I know I was 11 when that happened I can't really judge my/his decisions.

The thing is he was the most amazing person I had yet met. My first best friend if I may say.

Cliche as it can be. Yes I fell in love.

Well, not in love. But I didn't know it those days.

I told him all my secrets and he told me his. Those were really great years.

When we were finishing 6~grade some crazy girl told him my feelings towards him.

Yes indeed, the most embarrassing moment of my life. But let it to him who made me feel special and didn't care.

But dear reader, you more than I know that words are just words when they are said.

And in between 7~ and 8~ grade we weren't friends anymore. He didn't talk to me, we just ignored each other. Of course it was killing me 'cause I still felt something for him. And I wanted to be his friend.

It was awkward being around him.

And what hurts the most is, that we weren't actually friends. That he didn't trust me at all. It was just fake, and just a way to kill time. I was just his entertainment.

But it's all left to my mind to figure out.

'Cause still counting the days, I don't know the reason why I wasn't good enough for him anymore. I haven't hear a word of him about the subject. I tried to talk it out. But he doesn't open his mouth.

I could have help you in your worst moments, when I was next to you. Though I know it was all your choice.

His current girlfriend by the way hates me. She's always sending me this dirty looks when she is around. And it's kind of frustrating 'cause they don't speak their mind.

Just perfect for each other.

I thought I would regret ever sitting in front of him when I got to school.

But thinking about everything made me realize that because of him I started writing, that he is the reason why I always have a pen next to me.

No he is not the reason why I write today. But he was my beginning.

Thanks for making me who I am today. I'm sorry if I thought we were best friends when we were just two people hanging out.

The real reason why I bring this up all now is because the other day. We were praying and talking about how and when we listen to God. And he raised his hand and said how he had problems with his father, with watery eyes and all.

I felt so pathetic because as soon as he ended my tears started falling. And I hope he didn't see this.

My friends made up 3 reasons why I could have been crying.

1. Because of him.
2. Because of my dad.
3. Because I needed to cry.

In my opinion, now that no one ever asked. My tears betrayed me, they didn't have a reason.

This is the end of the story, it wasn't because of him 'cause I just simply don't care about his existence. It wasn't because of my dad 'cause I already dried all my tears for him. And I did not needed to cry because I have already cried a lot. My life in that moment, was regularly happy.

So those are the 3 things unknown in my life.

Welcome to it.

p.s; I know I said I was celebrating the 5 month-a-niversary, but I got a better idea and it's kind of hard to do so I will leave it for the the anniversary of my first year.

p.p.s; I need all my readers to participate in the idea:).

p.p.p.s; There's more details in this story and my writing is kind of sloppy today. But wanted to get things cleared out.

p.p.p.p.s; He is not the reason why I write today.

p.p.p.s; SURPRISE!.

"I'm alive; But I don't need a witness to know that I've survived. I'm not looking for forgiveness."

I can't answer you if I don't know myself where I wanna be.

I know it sucks when you try to make a change. To show that you care, and people take it like an insult.

I know I can break anybody apart, I can be the meanest person if I wanted to.

But I don't.

Last night I couldn't sleep at all, and with all the thinking I finally got the answer of why I have a blog, or why it's so easy for me to trust in anybody.

It's because I don't want my story to be just a grave in the mud. My biggest fear is to be, and once forgotten. So I try to stay, in the memory of somebody.

I guess I always knew this was the answer, but just now is when I'm accepting it.

I hate to be like clear glass though, like I can't lie to my friends. They instantly know, and what bothers me about it, is that at the end I won't have something to call my own.

So I kinda don't know where I stand anymore.

I was reading the last post I made, not the one with the poems but the other one. And I think it made a little bit of controversy cause everybody has been on that place before. So for my own good and others I'm gonna end it.

I didn't specify what do we do in case to be the ones confused, the ones that don't know if to say sorry or wait for something. Even when we do want to apologize.

You can say we are the weak ones 'cause we always end up losing. If you fight back, just a little bit, you are just clarifying that you are the bad one. Even when we say sorry it's not enough. Everything you say is going to be used against your own.

It's weird to say it though 'cause that's where I am right now.

I could say you can wait till the water clears and then eventually come back. But of course they are your friends so why should we hold up?. What are we waiting for anyways?. We said sorry already, we insult them already.

Isn't that what they wanted? a fight?.

Of course not. And we know this. We know is wrong, but what to do when we feel totally uncovered. Tell me what to do when I'm on my weakest point?.

They want you to apologize. But you will never meant it, and that's where they are wrong again. We do.

We just don't know why.

My point is... Don't hold up anything, life won't wait for you to be ready.

'Cause that's the thing about friends.

You sure as hell can live without them. Even if the road gets bumpy.

If they feel this way they will come back. If they just forget about you, why should you stay in the same place waiting for that person?.

Don't be a quitter, that's not what I'm trying to say, what I'm trying to say is that if a friendship ends, then you were never friends. Just two people to hang out with, people that you laugh with, people that you trust. Just for a little while.

'Best friends' is kinda like a feeling. You can't stop it.

And well either way you grow up, and you find why you had to gave up so easily on the most important person of your life.

p.s; This all counts with the person you like too.

p.p.s; I would be lying if I said I don't miss my best friend.

p.p.p.s; Good luck to the ones who lost their best friends.

"Goodbye my best friend; This is no kind of living. Goodnight my love; At least I held you on last time."

I missed the smell of the typing letters.

I have many more. But with 3 is enough.

:D. Hope you enjoy, tell me if you like it or if I was better before, or now, or never. :)

Making me up;
http://iheartlg.deviantart.com/art/Making-me-up-138473564

Let's count the pieces;
http://iheartlg.deviantart.com/art/Let-s-count-the-pieces-138473026

I'll sing what I can't say;
http://iheartlg.deviantart.com/art/I-ll-sing-what-I-can-t-say-138472256

p.s; about the 5 month-a-nniversary... I don't have any idea of what I'm going to do. So if you want to collaborate, all the opinions will be heard :D.

p.p.s; new paramore album ROCKS, still I don't think it's their best work yet.

"The angles were all wrong; Now she's ripping wings off of butterflies, with her feet on the ground."

I know you are hearing, but do you even try to listen?.

Let's face it.

Sometimes we claim for something.

Sometimes we fight with our friends 'cause we interpret things in ways that can offend us.

And when they explain to you what was happening. When they tell you that you were wrong.

You are so pissed off that you stay mad. For no valid reason. Just because you know you are stupid enough to make a whole deal about nothing, when it was the other way around.

I've been on both sides. I've been mad for no reason and slapped my face mentally for being that stupid. But tried to convince myself that I'm always right.

And now I'm paying for all those times I did that and come clean.

My best friend is mad at me and even when she knows she is not right. She tries to find other reasons to still be mad.

This is not just for her. This is for everybody who has been in the stupid side.

Your pride will never be more important than your real friends. You don't even have to apologize. Just don't get mad. It gets old. And it's not good for you.

Not only because of that.

I've been on the edge of losing my best friends because I choose myself over the ones who made my life.

If you are mad. It's all up to you, 'cause at the end you are the only one frowning while everybody moved on like an old topic.

Anyways, this is when I act like a spoiled child and call myself a writer.

The other day one of my friends ( Nicole ) was telling me about a girl that she dislike that had a blog and that in her school she was very popular and well people said they liked what she wrote.

I don't judge, so I read it and well it sucked. The girl is basing her life in quotes and getting them together in a post, pretending it's hers. That's plain fake.

But that's another point. What I'm trying to say is. Don't use pretty quotes as your life rules. Yes they might be right in some moments but they are made of people who try to be right. And at the end of the day they all say the opposite. Example;

"Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about."

vs.

"If it keeps hurting you. Move on, doesn't matter how hard it is to forget the person that is always on your mind."

(found them in the same place thanks to: Bumper Stickers)

Get my point?. I know it's a sloppy example but I'm lazy.

I know I'm all songs and their lyrics and how they teach you in life. But songs like moments are just to reminisce.

And after all I prefer to be the one writing than repeating.

p.s; Do you notice the change?, I'm writing a lot. That means writer's block is coming up. Though I'm prepared this time.

p.p.s; I know it's too soon but in novemeber is LGwalksaway 5 month-a-niversary so I got surprises for you on that day.

p.p.p.s; I was tented on giving out the link for the blog I was talking about, but that's rude, so no. I don't know the girl and I have no interest on it whatsoever now.

"I'm hoping you'll understand and not let go of my hand."

Better late than never... Right?

Maybe I'm late but always right :).

Promised you 2 posts for today. And well I'm doing some old errands that should have done a long time ago.

Welcome back to hell my friends.


I could still go back.


It's too late by now though


Who would say... Hell is blue!.


Guess which one is mine:D?.


I was so happy... fuckers-.-


5kilometers for the beach.


damn. that's hot


The only thing I ate.


THIS, is sexiness.


Do you see all the smiles? please don't count my sister.


In the train :D.


I look underage :).


in my room. fixing the air. FML.


Please moon don't forget to fall down.


She is the only one who will ever understand my pain.


cute.


fucking creepy in the night


My lucky number?.


Is it ice cream? NO, is it puddin? NO, then what?. Just a pink thing.


<3.


Remember the bar?.


p.s; I hope we can make this again xd like a lot of pictures :P it was cool but tiring.

p.p.s; there's more things that I wanted to say but I must say I have to make you wait till tomorrow xd. im busy sorry:(.

"I'm a dizzy mess, and everything is so above me from the floor of any life I lead today."

Should I be scared of dreaming?. Or of my expectations?.

I have always been a B girl. Not just in grades.

I was born being the second one. You know the girl who is always the second finalist in every competition but never wins?. Or the one who can do everything good but not perfect?. Or just the not-excellent-but-worth-the-try type.

It may sound sad or pathetic. But I like it. I'm used to it by now. It's like my expectations are already set in a place. If I fall it won't hurt that bad.

Why say this now?.

'Cause lately I've been repeating this phrase the whole week. And still I can't seem to put me up in that place. It's stupid I know. But why do I think I'm capable of believe in it?.

'Cause I've seen people win, even if I know I won't.

Somebody else has got to have that job.

Anyways. It's kinda a last topic but...

THE JONAS BROTHERS ARE COMING.

xd sorry for the teenie-ness. But it had to come out eventually.

Random much, I had to insert that there so my blog wouldn't look such a 'cry me a river' thing.

My grandpa's best friend died this sunday, and yesterday they were getting together to pray for his soul. I went because my mom was taking us to dinner after that. Such an egocentric action I know. But karma is a bitch, a sweet intelligent bitch.

And when we got there it was like a dejavu, people crying, with somebody by their side trying to comfort them or just stopping by to say hi (yes they do that).

You don't want to talk to anybody when your father, your best friend, your uncle, your husband, your whatever dies. You just wanna cry or think about it. ALONE.

So I didn't say hello or anything, just look around oddly.

Though my mom made me say hi to the wife. And when I hugged her, we literally spend 5 minutes there, holding into each others arms. And I think that's what she needed. Not an "I'm so sorry". Just a hug. Just the necessity of knowing that somebody was understanding you.

Or perhaps that's what I wanted.

Well, that's it for now, not today:).

p.s; Sorry for being such a bitch and not updating faster, my inspiration doesn't quite like me anymore.

p.p.s; The phrase I've been saying this week is. "Don't lose your hope."

p.p.p.s; Row: D, sit; 1&2... Wish me luck?.

p.p.p.p.s;


"In no time there'll be one less sad robot looking for a chance to be something more than just metal."